Dear Football Gods

September 13th, 2015

MorganFreemanDear Football Gods,

It’s your old friend Joe, your willful servant who awakened Dec. 28 and dared to ask a favor.

Winning the Chase for Jameis was that important. And your infinite power delivered Tavarres King, whose mighty hands transformed into Michael Clayton’s upon your priestly blessing.

Joe is eternally grateful, but Joe remains painfully yearning for Bucs fans this morning. So Joe bows to your power and seeks divine assistance one last time.

Tampa Bay needs a win today. The suffering, the losing, the soul-sucking has lasted too long.

Without a home win since 2013, with 70 losses in the last 100 games, too many have lost faith. Local children are wearing Seahawks jerseys and Tampa women are refusing to procreate with red-blooded male fans, especially Joe. The future is in jeopardy. The apocalypse already has begun less than 90 miles to the east.

Please, football gods, please grant Bucs fans salvation today against Tennessee.

Have we not asked for enough forgiveness?

Yes, your beautiful game was soiled by the likes of Josh McCown, Anthony Collins and Michael Johnson. But it wasn’t our fault. Yes, our tight end prayed to another god in your temple. But he was young and weak. Yes, our head coach disrespected you with false praise and blasphemous rule-changing chatter. But the devil had stolen his wisdom. Yes, our team threw out your historic gifts, Michael Bennett and Donald Penn. But forgive our owners for they were blinded by lies.

Oh, football gods, we fans are but innocent children deserving of another chance.

Help us today, for another home loss we cannot bear.


50 Responses to “Dear Football Gods”

  1. StPeteBucsFan Says:


  2. slowbuc$813 Says:

    This was the lamest thing u could have posted. All of your other work is good but this was just lame

  3. Tampabaybucfan Says:

    You have the savior you called for…..time for him to do his thing!!!

  4. LargoBuc Says:

    The picture of Morgan Freeman just makes this that much more funny.

  5. JAB83 Says:

    Sorry but this turns me off. Generally enjoy your humor but this is weak. Would of been better off saying Dear Tim Tebows God. This is the kind of stuff that makes the real upper case G frown… Hope you didn’t just blow it for us Joe!!!!

    So I pray, dear Tim Tebows God. Please forgive Joe of his ignorance and may the best team win today… If that’s not my team the Bucs… Send a bolt of Lightning from our hockey team and spark a fire in the Bucs players hearts to, JUST WIN BABY!!!! Like you did with them… Amen

  6. LargoBuc Says:

    Slowbuc, loosen up a bit.

  7. Dreambig Says:

    Disagree slowbucs, that was great!

  8. slowbuc$813 Says:

    I am “loose” im excted as sh!t for this long awaited 1st meaningful game its just some stuff you dont play about

  9. Beeric Says:

    How dare you take Morgan Freeman’s image in vain like that?!!

  10. Kevin Says:

    I will say it again. Before the draft Winston was the “PRO READY” QB. Today is the day we see which of these two teams made the better pick. I Mariotta torches us then we got the lesser of the two. He may still be good…..but this game is MAriota vs Winston to me. Unless it becomes a low scoring defensive game, then I will be looking at the team effort. But if its a one sided shootout like we have become used to seeing as bucs fans…..than we will al know at that point the bucs made the wrong choice.

    I hope Winston puts the team on his back and makes this happen. We have more talent on both sides of the ball. We have no excuses. If we lose….we got suckered.

  11. Buccfan37 Says:

    Can I get more than 2 Amens. Aye men, as in Bucs players need to bring their Aye Aye mens games to vanquish the intruder. Save our vessel and the fans crowded upon it. Go Buccaneers! Save the day!

  12. Dreambig Says:

    So Kevin, if we read betweens the lines of what you are saying, your point is you thought the Bucs should have taken Mariota and they didn’t so you are still a bit pissed and even though you profess to be a bucs fan, part of you hopes they lose so you can come back on here and say I told you so, Winston supporters are stupid, and Lovie needs to go. Does that about sum it up?

  13. Digga101 Says:


  14. Max Says:

    “Tampa women are refusing to procreate with red-blooded male fans, especially Joe. ”


  15. TheBucsAnthem Says:


    …….you write something good Joe

  16. JAB83 Says:

    This just in!!! Bolts of Lightning Striking around RJS right now!!! Thank You God!!!
    (See my above post) 😉

  17. georgia buc fan 39 years Says:

    Don’t forget to ask forgiveness for the Cosell curse!The one thats been on us from the 70’s!!

  18. Bryan Says:

    Very Nice Joe!!!!!

  19. Joehelldeloxley Says:

    In France we are saying “help you and god will help you” whic means move your ass and opportunities will araisen!

    This is exactly what I am expecting from the team and the Gods of football today !

  20. Cannon Says:

    Today’s game is going to come down to who can run the ball.

    Just look at the doppler.

  21. DB55 Says:

    Oh man joe that was funny.

    REJOICE for the KINGDOM of JAMEIS is HERE!!!

  22. Pickgrin Says:

    Good stuff Joe. Especially the pro-creation line.

    You sure you want to use up your “One Time” with Morgan Freeman on the Titans???

  23. Stanglassman Says:

    That’s exactly what I read Dreambig. I like the way he built in his own excuse that the Bucs have more talent so really Winston can’t win and he couldn’t be proven wrong. We all know that if you don’t win your first game as a rookie QB it automatically means you were a bust.

    How does that saying go? If you want to see how well your team drafted look back after the first game or is it 3 years? I rather have Tannehill in (won’t use Luck because he was so good out of the gate) the 2012 draft than RGIII but we know who KEVIN would have drafted.

  24. Skyline Crew Says:

    We do judge off the first game though. Sad, but true. Honestly you can’t compare these two QBs because they have different situations and different coaches. It isn’t fair to either of them to keep comparing. We’ve seen QBs be great somewhere and go to another team and suck. So please stop comparing. We have Winston get used to it. If Mariota is better oh well, he isn’t our QB. If Winston is better fine, he is our QB and we have to deal with it for better or worse.

  25. Buccfan37 Says:

    This game should be played at 1pm. Tired of waiting already. How can the Bucs use the heat as an advantage after 4pm? The rain will probably clear by then. Let it rain cats and dogs.

  26. NashvilleBuc Says:

    Amen!!! Go Bucs!!!!!

  27. Kevin Says:

    @ Dream Big….Not at all. Yes, I originally wanted Mariotta….but I hope we beat the living crap out of him today. I hope my initial judgement of the two quarterbacks was wrong. I hope Winston proves to be more NFL ready both now and 8 years from now. But if it ends up being the other way around….it will just be another punch in the gut sick feeling knowing this organization screwed it up again. My gut tells me we got it wrong. I hope I am wrong. I would never want my team to lose just to prove a point. I wouldn’t be a fan. That doesn’t mean I can’t be honest about my thoughts on our team.

  28. Kevin Says:

    My point on the comparison is that before the draft…damn near EVERYONE said Winston was obviously more pro-ready and ahead of Mariota. At that point there were no excuses. But now with gamete lurking around the corner….all of the reasons he may NOT be the better qb right out of the gate are coming out. It’s jus funny how things have changed in the outlook for this team all around in the past couple of months.

    In no way was I trying to set my self up to where I cannot be wrong. If Winston put’s this team on his back and plays some good football….than we got what we drafted him for. But if he comes out and throws three picks….I don’t want to hear the excuses about how bad our offensive line was…when those same excuses have not been a valid arguing point for ANY of our previous quarterbacks. Again….I hope my gut feeling is wrong and ALWAYS will cheer for our team

  29. OklahomaBucFan Says:

    Some of you are really wound way too tight. It was a joke PC people. I thought it was awesome and gave me a good laugh to start my day. And for that Joe’s, I thank you!

  30. Buc1987 Says:

    I don’t see what everyone his all up and arms about. I pray to the Football Gods all the time.

  31. Buc1987 Says:

    Kevin..I’m Winston’s biggest fan on this site and I’ll tell you right now he’s going to throw a lot of picks this season. So be prepared.

  32. Buc1987 Says:

    I’ll also add this for Kevin. I think Winston’s going to have a better day today than Mariota, but that doesn’t mean you were right or wrong. Check back in 3 years.

  33. Kevin Says:

    Your right…I can see him throwing a lot of picks this year. But I also want to see him put this team on his back like he is known for doing. I wanna see a young champion in the making wearing bucs colors….not Titans. The eyes test will tell.

  34. Buc1987 Says:

    Well Kevin. The eye test might tell you in the first game, but I doubt it. Seeing how the Titans are without their 2 starting CB’s. I think you”ll know they made the right pick by mid-season though. That’s if Winston can still walk by then.

  35. Buc1987 Says:

    I also see Mariota throwing a lot of picks too this season. It’s what rookies do. Such as Peyton Manning’s 28 INT’s in his first season.

  36. Bucsfan_Brazil Says:


  37. StPeteBucsFan Says:

    Wow…religion and politics eh? LOL Just can’t touch them!!! At least for some people. Is there anything more arrogant in life than telling another human being who God is…YOUR God may not be MY God. Some people here might not even believe in God so who am I to tell them they must believe in MY God.

    BTW MY God has a great sense of humor and he is laughing right along with Joe.

  38. Tampa Tony Says:

    My 18th month old lil Buc says amen!!!

  39. Stanglassman Says:

    Kevin- I’m think you do not know what term ‘pro ready’ QB means.

    I go back to Tannehill vs Griffin III, who do you think was more ‘Pro Ready’ coming into the NFL?

    It means player played well in a college system that required many of the skills it takes to be a drop back pro style QB in the NFL. Their playbook was similar, they were ask to read defense, to call a play in the huddle, dropping back throwing in a rhythm with WR in 4 and 7 step drops ask to throw with anticipation. Operating in a pocket and throwing in tight windows, looking off safties.
    What ‘Pro ready’ doesn’t mean is intentional QB successful at the NFL level. I’m not trying to debate if Mariota has any of pro style traits I’m only explaining what experts are saying when they use the P.R. term.

  40. DavidM Says:


  41. Buc1987 Says:

    It’s Football Gods people get a grip.

  42. StPeteBucsFan Says:


    Glad you showed up. Somebody is taking your name in vain. LOL

    The other Dave is a troll and for awhile I was confused…now I see the M.

  43. Buc1987 Says:

    SPBF….there’s only one DavidM and 2 Dave’s. One Dave is an idiotic troll and the other is an actual positive Buc fan. Now THAT gets confusing. 2 actual Dave’s. One a-hole, and one homer. Confusing!

  44. BuccaneerBonzai Says:

    Would have been wiser to ask for no players to be injured badly. To inspire them to do their jobs well.

    As to the rest…well, god doesn’t show favorites.

    It all comes down to the players and coaches. They decide how to play. Freedom of choice.

  45. BuccaneerBonzai Says:

    Funny thing about God though…it doesn’t matter if people believe. He just is.

  46. BuccaneerBonzai Says:

    Buc1987 Says
    “Kevin..I’m Winston’s biggest fan on this site…”

    Joe quit????

  47. StPeteBucsFan Says:


    Thanks for that explanation. I thought I was having double vision or just simple senility.

  48. TheShaz Says:

    Lighten up.

    I just left my church, having brunch before I go home to enjoy NFL Football I was not offended. I laughed. And Joe, for help in the procreation, doctors have this little blue pills…

    Once the Bucs start winning….starting with today… .everyone will feel better.

  49. Buc1987 Says:

    lol Bonzai…but I was NEVER a Manziel fan. So yes I’ve got Joe beat.

  50. Johnny Dejay Says:

    Dear Joe,

    You got the player you wanted. Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.