THE PESSIMIST: Had It With BSPN Dissing Bucs!

December 15th, 2010


THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on His views do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

Ha! Forget about Adriana Lima schmuck. You get to wake up to THE PESSIMIST this morning… before THE PESSIMIST has even had his morning coffee. Boy, are you in for a good one.

THE PESSIMIST is fired up and it’s not yet 8 a.m.!

Now THE PESSIMIST has read where Joe has BSPN blocked on his DirecTV. That freaking cheap arse still has standard-def but he can urinate enough money away at a chicken wing joint on a Friday night Twittering about Courtney the Bartender, who he claims is a Brooklyn Decker lookalike, to pay for two high-def TVs.

Maybe if Joe wouldn’t be such a drunk and be so horny and quit drooling over some hot, well-endowed babe he has absolutely no shot of bedding, he’d have a high-def TV, or maybe he doesn’t understand just what type of private entertainment can be viewed on a high-def TV?

Anyway, Joe may not have BSPN but THE PESSIMIST does. And let THE PESSIMIST tell you it’s getting about as bad as watching some old woman drop a deuce: You know it’s going to be ugly, you know it’s going to smell and you know what the end result will be.

THE PESSIMIST habitually turns BSPN on Sunday mornings and there’s sweaty-ass Chris Berman screaming at THE PESSIMIST for some unknown reason, working himself into a lather about Peyton Manning. Then BSPN has to flip to “goddamned Ed Werder” who is breaking some sort of story about Brett Favre picking his nose. Then, Berman tosses it to SalPal who is reporting from Philadelphia that Jerry Jones is frustrated with Jon Kitna.

Frustrated? THE PESSIMIST is frustrated just watching the slug. Joe’s frustrated because he can only look at Courtney the Bartender. THE PESSIMIST isn’t the fool paying Kitna seven figures. This is news?

Not to be outdone, there’s the never-blinking Rachel Nichols, breathlessly talking about how Tom Brady doesn’t need servants to tie his shoelaces, straining to contain herself as if she’s Melissa Rivers talking about some backless number Reese Witherspoon is wearing.

Damnit you SOBs! You cover the NFL, not three teams (Dallass, New England and the New York Jets)! You are supposed to cover the NFL, not five friggin players (Manning, Brady, Favre, Terrible Owens and Chad MuchoStinko)!

What about the Bucs? A team that came out of nowhere? Worst to almost first. A team some predicted would win two games is fighting for a playoff berth in the middle of December. This is Cindarella stuff! But no, you have to shove down THE PESSIMIST’s throat the 752nd story about the friggin’ Patriots. Jerks!

What about Josh Freeman who is shaming Mark Sanchise with his uncanny ability to win games in the fourth quarter? Dude’s so clutch THE PESSIMIST is going to have to start calling him “Montana.” Where’s that story? Or is it more important to “report” how Capt. Lou Albano Rex Ryan towels down Sanchise after a steambath?

What about Mike Williams, who is leading all rookie receivers in yards? What about Arrelious Benn who is starting to light things up? What about LeGarrette Blount?

Wait a minute. THE PESSIMIST may not want you to do anything on Blount. THE PESSIMIST can just about guarantee the first thing out of Pedro Gomez’s mouth would be “punch.”

THE PESSIMIST would just love to punch Norby with this shinola the four-letter calls coverage. Cover THE PESSIMIST’s arse! That’s not coverage what BSPN has, that’s slurping. Friggin’ disgrace these people!

Speaking of people THE PESSIMIST wants to punch, Dull Patrick is almost as bad. What’s the erection these friggin’ suits in Manhattan have with Dallass? The Cowboys suck! You mean you can’t flex a better game for a Sunday night (you know, maybe the Bucs?) that football fans would rather watch? Football fans that is, not Long Island yentas who would rather talk about jewelry and Palm Beach and their tennis club memberships, who wouldn’t know the difference between a down marker and a goal post!

Well, maybe Joe has it right after all? Maybe THE PESSIMIST should block BSPN and start watching more NFL Network? At least people there use common sense.

Hey Joe, when is Courtney the Bartender working? Next time you Twitter about her at midnight on a Friday, would you at least please get her picture you lowlife standard-def drunk, huh?

Help THE PESSIMIST out, will ya?

21 Responses to “THE PESSIMIST: Had It With BSPN Dissing Bucs!”

  1. MOBucs Says:

    While it’s rediculous how ESPN (and NFL network for that matter) cover only a handful of teams, it comes down to $$$! Those teams listed have the biggest fan base and sell the most merchandise.

  2. Pete 422 Says:

    While it is true BSPN caters to the large markets, it is sad they have to do that. Real fans of the NFL should want to know more about Cinderella teams such as the Bucs. If a team other than the Bucs are playing well, I want to know more about it. I enjoy my Sundays of watching every game I can tune in to. And no, I don’t gamble/play fantasy football. That actually takes the fun out of it for me. I enjoy the game purely for the game itself.

  3. Gary Says:

    Pessimist, you are really turning a corner. I have agreed with your last 2 posts, good job.

    ESPN & NFLN hate on us, don’t make it seem like NFLN doesn’t pull the same BS. Every show on every channel does this. I’m sick and tired of watching highlight shows and waiting till the last 30 seconds for our part.

    Lets see how late in show Inside the NFL our highlights will be. They ALL do it.

  4. flmike Says:

    Actually NFLN Playbook was all over the Bucs lastnight, and they had some nice things to say.

  5. Brad Says:

    Couldn’t agree more Joe. The friggin coverage they gave Favre for missing his first game was the most ridiculous nauseating thing I’ve ever seen. I watch less and less Espn and at least the NFL network breaks down the Bucs games. The fact Freeman and Sanchez have had similar paths you would think they would marvel at how Freeman has excelled with rookies at every key position. Sanchez has veterans all around him. I think it should be considered the most remarkable story of the year.

  6. Joe Says:


    Couldn’t agree more Joe.

    Joe didn’t write this piece. It’s the work of THE PESSIMIST.

  7. Brad Says:

    Then I totally agree with the Pessimist!!

  8. Bucs Babe Says:

    Great stuff as usual Joe 🙂 We had to watch a 10 minute seg this morning on Wes Welker’s height I think that’s more important than getting to hear about any of our clutch “Rookie” playmakers dont you? 😛

  9. marcus Says:

    wow…even the pessimist is jumping on board!! the media is in trouble now with him on our side for once…

  10. Joe Says:

    Bucs Babe:

    To be clear, this is the work of THE PESSIMIST, not Joe, as detailed in the first paragraph.

  11. Capt.Tim Says:

    Great work, this article should be forwarded to every reporter at BSPN! They have become a parody of what they should be

  12. architek79 Says:

    Joe this is a common theme and I am use to this mess. I dont even watch or listen to ESPN. Quick story, I was on lunch one day and I had BSPN on. The Herd was on and Colin make the statement that the Steelers may go unbeaten when Ben comes back…They are just great, they are this and that…Well they go and lose to the Pats and struggle against teams. Now that idiot for a journalist hops off their wagon and does even retract his statement. At least on the NFL network, they are careful with their statements and care about their credibility.

  13. Joe Says:


    Cowturd reminds Joe of the geek in high school that sssooo wanted to hang with the cool kids or the jocks, but couldn’t.

    To think there was actually a sober mind in Bristol that some years ago actually had the gall to say, “Look, I have the perfect replacement for Tony Kornheiser. There’s this guy in Oregon called ‘Cowherd’… ”

    Joe had to use the WiFi of a nice sports bar at lunch last week as his home WiFi was acting weird. Remember: Joe has BSPN blocked at home. Anyway, there was some game played the night before with this James character (Joe has never seen this guy play basketball. Honest!). My God, for two straight hours that’s all that was talked about. A friggin’ regular season NBA game in December!

    The last time Joe saw any network devote that amount of time to one story was when Ronald Reagan was shot.

  14. mikeck Says:

    Well, in the end, its a business and they have to make money. More people watch if they talk about the Cowboys, Jets and Pats because thats the fan base. Outside of Tampa, people dont care about the Bucs or Freeman anymore than we care about Cleveland and Hillis. Yeah, its a great story but who cares..really? When the Bucs v Seattle games start commanding the ratings that a Pats-Jets game gets (or any game with Dallas in it), then they arent going to talk about it. I would wish that they would break down football but thats unrealistic. They are in it for the cash (which is fine) so they go where the money is.

    Think this is bad…try their baseball coverage. I’m not a fan so I didnt realize until last year that there were baseball teams that didnt play in New York, Boston or Philly.

  15. McBuc Says:

    I really do not care about national attention, I just want to be able to tune into the Bucs every week during football season, and the playoffs as well. If our new offense starts producing better numbers, you will see more coverage on shows…simply due to fantasy football. The full game coverage probably will never be all that much, which I am fine with as well. I like starting Sunday afternoon with the Bucs, I hate waiting for an afternoon or night game.

  16. Cannon Says:

    I just wish I could watch the Bucs home games again from my TV :o/

  17. matt Says:

    absolutely outstanding piece of writing. great job pessimist

  18. MTM Says:

    Great article. Couldn’t agree more. BSPN rolls out the same self serving NFL crap, over and over. If you didn’t know better. You would think there only 6 teams in the league: Jets, Giants, Steelers, Dallas, Pats and Team Favre. The NFL is based on parody. BSPN is all about dynasties.

  19. Bucs Babe Says:

    My bad!! Thank you Pessimist for this entertaining read 🙂 I couldn’t agree more!!

  20. Patrick Says:

    The only that will matter to BSPN is that we’re 0-5 against teams with WINNING RECORDS. Just because of that, the Bucs are trash in their eyes.

    Yet the Saints have played lousy teams just like us. That never seems to get brought up! People don’t even bring up how they got an ass whooping by the Max Hall led Cardinals earlier in the year and how they barely survived a 16-14 win against the pitiful Panthers.

    If the Patriots, Saints and Jets were 0-5 against winning records, no one would be talking about it.

  21. gitarlvr Says:

    yeah unfortunately you cant blame ESPN that the Bucs are almost dead last next to Jacksonville in fan support. Tampa is a mid-sized market that would garner some attention if all the transplants here gave two shiites about the Bucs. I don’t really expect ESPN to cater to all five of us true Buc fans. I sometimes wonder how many actual hardcore fans(not counting the tons of frontrunners that will show up if this team becomes a super bowl contender)actually are out there beyond the diehards here on JBF. Lord knows I almost NEVER meet another actual hardcore Buc fan in my daily life. When I can go to Winghouse Palm Harbor on Sunday and not be the only guy watching the Bucs game while all the jackass G-MEN fans laugh at my team in between their alternating praise and hatred for little brother Manning, maybe then ESPN will find it worth their time to actually cover the Bucs.