“Dang Tom, I might have to try some of those avocado tequila shots.”

They seem to come from fully different universes.

Joe’s talking about Super Bowl-winning coach Bucco Bruce Arians and park-violating, home-invading, NFLPA-ignoring, down-forgetting, handshake-stiffing, jet-ski-losing, biscuit-baking, tequila-shooting, smartphone-phobic, waffle-grilling, trophy-throwing, roller-coaster-scared, numbers-rules-peeved, Bucs-Super Bowl-winning quarterback Tom Brady.

Arians is one of the older coaches in the NFL and in February he became the oldest coach to win a Super Bowl. Arians will turn 69 in October.

Brady looks like he’s 30; plays like he is 30 but is the oldest player in the NFL. He will be 44 in less than two months.

Yet Arians admits he feels like an old codger when he watches the way Brady plays and practices on the football field, without a remote hint from Brady that he’s close to retirement.

It feels like Arians has a tinge of jealousy with Brady’s fountain of youth.

“Yeah, I mean I can hardly get out of bed myself and I ain’t that much older,” Arians said after underwear football practice yesterday. Brady is “an amazing guy, the way he takes care of himself, and trains and he has so much fun out there. Sometimes you can trick your brain into feeling good.”

Perhaps there is a mental aspect to that. Of course, it helps to feel young when you go home to a supermodel each night.

How young does Brady feel? Well, Joe noticed during the past two underwear football practices that when there is a short water break (two or three minutes), Brady is throwing passes to Bucs staffers or maybe a stray receiver who wants extra snaps — while guys half Brady’s age are chugging water,

Joe is also guessing Brady doesn’t enjoy a regular cocktail or two the way Arians does, either.