Dealing With Sweaty Balls

August 19th, 2020

“He said ‘sweaty balls,’ Bevis.”

Joe just cannot pass up a good ol’ fastball down the middle when it comes to cheap humor. But in this case, the subject is real. And Tom Brady is just going to have to get used to it.

In sort of a get-used-to-Florida moment in his daily press conference today, delivered by Zoom in these trying times, Bucs coach Bucco Bruce Arians said his quarterback, park-violating, home-invading, NFLPA-ignoring Brady better learn to deal with sweaty, wet footballs because that’s NFL life in Florida.

Arians was asked about wet balls and Brady’s aversion to them and if Arians ever had a quarterback who was as hung up on wet balls as Brady seems to be.

“We have had a number of guys who cannot stand sweat on the ball,” Arians said, chuckling like Bevis throughout his answer to the subject. “Tom’s got a unique way of dealing with the towels and talcum powder. Ryan [Jensen] is the center so he is buying in. They kind of have that worked out at Berkeley.”

As Bucs fans likely have noticed, Jensen gets wet during games. And that residue often stays on the football.

Playing games in the Florida heat and humidity, not to mention early season rains, Arians said Brady better buckle up and get used to wet, sweaty balls.

“We go outside, it’s hard to keep them dry,” Arians said. “There’s a lot of sweat going on. So yeah, it is fun. But sooner or later there is going to be a wet one you have to throw them and Tom gets p!ssed when they are not spirals. That’s going to happen.”

Outside of constantly replacing footballs after every play, Joe isn’t sure how you keep balls perfectly dry. And Joe isn’t sure the NFL allows that unless it is a dead-ball play such as an incomplete pass.

And no, it didn’t seem as if cracking a few Beavis and Butthead-like jokes was beneath Arians, either, the way he was laughing throughout his answer.

Later, Jensen noted that this subject came up in his very first conversation with Brady after the legendary quarterback signed with the Bucs this spring. Jensen was tipped off this issue was one of Brady’s main hangups.

“So I knew it was coming,” Jensen said.

9 Responses to “Dealing With Sweaty Balls”

  1. SB Says:

    LOOOOOOOVE the Title pic and Caption………I actually heard Butthead say that in my head!

  2. bucsfan951 Says:

    “dammit Beavis!”

  3. DoooshLaRue Says:

    Surely “sweaty ball hating” is going to become part of your adjective string for TB 12 right Joe?

  4. All lives matter Says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if Brady ask Jensen to change into a fresh dry uniform at halftime.

  5. hammerhead Says:

    Ball sweat… Uhh huh huh huh huh huh… Eehhh, yeah… hehehehe hehehehe… That wuz khool.

  6. james west Says:

    all lives matter, i think it’s a damn good idea if it gives them a leg up on their competition

  7. lambchop Says:

    Personally, I would rather they give him random sweaty balls now to get him used to it. Let him get that single glove on if he needs it. Ch’mone, hee hee!

  8. Locked In Says:

    Just deflate the balls a little bit, it will help

  9. Brandon Short Says:

    Jensen should wear rubber underwear. Problem solved. You’re welcome, Tom.