Avoiding The Fetal Position

October 2nd, 2015

fetal position

With the Bucs back in Tampa for a two-game home stand against the Panthers (Sunday) and Jaguars, Joe demands one simple goal be accomplished: win a home game.

Frankly, it’s the only thing that will keep Joe from lying prone in the fetal position, weeping and nursing a bottle of Jack Daniels.

In all seriousness, if the Bucs can’t win one of the next two games (really not too much to ask), then Joe expects to be the most depressed Tampa Bay area resident.

Losses in those games would leave the Bucs 1-4, out of the playoffs, and limping hopelessly into the bye week with a 12-game home losing streak and a head coach trying to convince everyone that good things are happening.

It just can’t happen. It cannot happen.

So Joe is hoping that in one of the next two games, Jameis Winston, America’s Quarterback, can carry the Bucs on his back, or the defense can stand tall like it did in New Orleans, or Doug Martin can revive his rookie form, or Lavonte David can be the game-changer the Bucs are paying him to be, or better yet, smiling fans can walk out of the Stadium on Dale Mabry Highway nodding their heads and saying, ‘Lovie sure outcoached those bastards.’

Bucs fans have suffered far, far too long.

Just find a way to go 2-3. Joe’s liver really needs the break.

48 Responses to “Avoiding The Fetal Position”

  1. DB55 Says:

    While you’re at it why not wish for Rachel Watson to come thru and sit on your lap. If not I’m sure Pablo will sit on your lap.

  2. Tampa Tony Says:

    Your liver will re generate over the bye week.

  3. The Buc Realist Says:

    I am worried, I don’t know if it is the leftover stench from the opening day debacle that still lingers??? Usually division games are unpredictable matches. But I just don’t think that Lovie is “Carolina ready”!!!!!

  4. The Buc Realist Says:

    @Tampa Tony

    I got “lovie ready” this offseason. No more drinking during bucs games. I got one of those fancy espresso machines so I can stay awake thru a full lovie game!!!!

  5. Buc1987 Says:

    “In all seriousness, if the Bucs can’t win one of the next two games (really not too much to ask), then Joe expects to be the most depressed Tampa Bay area resident.”

    Didn’t Joe bet the under on the Bucs win total the season while he was in Vegas? Why would you be depressed then Joe? You’re on your way to making some change if they keep losing.

  6. Tom Edrington Says:

    Will have a better chance against Jags, they’re pretty stinky too.

  7. Buc1987 Says:

    Rachel or Pablo? Hmmm that’s a tough call.

  8. Dave Says:

    Personally I think they have shown enough to able to win both games.
    At the very least they beat the Jags and Carolina is a toss up.
    I just don’t think the panthers are as good as people think.

  9. Buc Em.....Section 318 Says:

    We are gonna be 3-2 @ the bye! We’ll be drinking that bottle of Jack because we’re happy!!!

  10. Mike Johnson Says:

    Thanks Joe. Its not much to ask. Just win. Even if its by 1 point. Just win. By any means necessary. They should beat Jacksonville at least. I do wish we could beat Carolina. Cam Newton can’t wait to..perform his antics in our endzone. I think it all depends on our Defense. If…they show up. So far we’ve only had one good defensive effort. Not good. And I have not seen that fire from our Defense yet. We got a glimpse of it with the Saints. With our performance over the last few years, I can see why my neighbor says, Its hard to be a Bucs fan. Give us a home win Bucs.

  11. DB55 Says:

    Buc1987 Says:
    October 2nd, 2015 at 5:33 pm
    Rachel or Pablo? Hmmm that’s a tough call.
    Take”m both. You only live once. #YOLO

  12. Tampa Tony Says:

    I’d say the Jags is a winnable game but Loser Lovie’s d will make Bortles look like Mariota

  13. Bucnjim Says:

    Have an old Buccaneer sippy cup from when my kids were young. I guess you could borrow it and fill it with Jack! Worked well for them…..lol

  14. GhostofTedford Says:

    If we win BOTH by some miracle I will streak down Dale Mabry.

  15. BucTrooper Says:

    As of 10/2, 663 days since the Bucs last home win.

  16. passthebuc Says:

    Sorry Charley: Only the best tuna avoid the fetal position.

    Here is your link for Jack Daniels Sinatra Select @$119.95
    order 2 bottles and your good for 2 Sundays.


  17. rayjay1122 Says:

    anything less than 1-1 at home the next 2 weeks is absolutely unacceptable…period!

  18. seminole bill Says:

    Rachel Watson? Nah, too young, could be my daughter. Now, Angie Dickinson, in her prime, now that would be a lap dance. For you younger guys drawing a blank, google it. Go Bucs!!! I will be there Sunday, lap dance or not.

  19. Walter Says:

    @seminole bill

    Just googled Angie Dickinson. Absolutely gorgeous

  20. Scotty in Fat Antonio Says:

    I’ll be assuming the fetal position midway thru the 1st quarter.

  21. pelbuc Says:

    Sorry Joe but this team only knows how to lose and make excuses. Only reason they beat Saints is because they were more hellbent on giving the game away. Olsen will have 2 TDs and we’ll hear on Monday how the defensive breakdowns are correctable. Not interested until L&L are gone. Maybe the Glazers can negotiate for 8 home games away from Tampa with Lovie’s home record.

  22. Buccfan37 Says:

    No excuse will be acceptable for not ending this miserable home losing streak quickly. The excuses are used up.

  23. Buc1987 Says:

    seminole bill…except back in Angie’s days you would have had to court her for a month just to hold her hand. Nowadays a date at McDonald’s could possibly land you a BJ.

    Yes I know she was a sex symbol.

  24. Mike Johnson Says:

    10 straight home loses fellow Buc fans. That’s us. I don’t care who’s injured. Every team has injuries. And they win. Next man up. Come out on crutches, splints..Hell, all men on deck. GIVE US A HOME WIN. WE are sick and tired of no wins. The Spin of..”Wwe are getting better”?. 8 to 80..blind cripple or crazy..all hands on deck. Like Lawrence Taylor said, “Play like a bunch of wild mad dogs” Where is your pride. Give us true Buc fans something to be proud of……..or not. We are the laughing stock of the NFL. And I’m..sick of it. Win gotdamit..I dare you.

  25. bucsbedabest Says:

    The achievements of an organization are the results of the combined effort of each individual.

    Glazer family>Jason Licht>Lovie Smith>Dirk Koetter>Leslie Frazier>Gerold McCoy>Jameis Winston

    No more excuses

  26. DefenseRules Says:

    Keep noticing that the Bucs always seem to opt to kickoff when they win the coin toss. Getting the ball first in the 3rd quarter is nice, but not so much if you’re already behind 21-0 (or worse).

    Would love to see the Bucs win the toss, elect to receive, then march all the way down the field for a TD. Tired of always being behind early. I think the offense could git ‘er done if pressed.

  27. Pete422 Says:

    This Panthers game is HUGE. We win this game, it’s a springboard of momentum into the Jags game & then a bye week to get even more prepared….HUUUGGE…

  28. Buc1987 Says:

    DefenseRules….when I used to play video football games back in the day. I always chose to kickoff. For numerous reasons. If your ahead at the half, you get to pile on more points. If your down at the half, you get to assess the damage done and how to correct it.

    That and there is this thing called a stat and I’m not a stats type of guy. BUT there is a stat out there that says something like only 33% of NFL teams that get the ball first in a game, go down and score on that first drive.

    So it could be an odds thingy….

    Oh yeah there’s been a “Barry” sighting lately you can find him on the JBF message boards here.


  29. Buc1987 Says:

    My mom’s(a Buc fan) taking some Pat’s fans from Mass to the Bucs-Panthers game this weekend. They are here on vacation and wanted to go see a game with the pirate ship and the whole deal. Having said that. The sign master is at it again, me.

    I made a sign up for my mother to hold up that reads : “I’m Just Here For Alstott”.

    Told her don’t unravel the sign until the game is well out of hand….

    What a MINT sign. I’m so proud of myself.

  30. 911bucs Says:

    Nice mullet

  31. Johnny Dejay Says:

    How did the Bucs defense stand tall against New Orleans? They barely escaped against a wounded QB who couldn’t throw the ball 10 yards.

  32. BucFan20 Says:

    3 games in and you already know they will be counting on Brindza for most of the points. And with any luck a defensive score. My bet is after this game we will still be waiting.

  33. Louis Friend Says:

    Sorry to say this, but we’re not winning on Sunday. Not based on the way this team snatches defeat from the jaws of victory. If not for the Saints striving to be even more inept at blowing a game than the Bucs, they’d be 0-3 right now.

    3-16 for Lovie, soon to be a little worse. Keep those bottles of Jack, Captain, Jagr and Johnny handy. Chill that beer and put something on the grill to help salve the wounds of yet another defeat. I love the Bucs and always will. But they are still a train wreck.

  34. Buc1987 Says:

    Correct Louis, but the losses don’t bother me as much as some fans that expected some kind of great season in the first place. I’m pretty sure most of us here did not coming into the season.

    It’s like I always say. If the Bucs are going to suck, embrace the suck.

  35. Louis Friend Says:

    Speaking of Brindza – how many coaches do you know of who’d keep a guy who missed 3 FG’s and an extra point without even bringing ONE kicker in for a tryout?

    I feel sorry for the rookie, but keeping him means Lovie just keeps drawing his own chalk outline for the end of this season or next. It’s guaranteed.

  36. Louis Friend Says:

    Buc1987 – I certainly didn’t expect great at all. But how this team loses says a great deal about it.

    Penalties at critical junctures, poor play calling at key points, veteran defensive players in year 2 of a system playing out of position. Keeping a rookie kicker with 58% accuracy from his senior season in college over an 83% kicker from 2014 who made 5-6 from 50+ himself, and so on.

    Teams like that don’t improve as the year goes on. Teams like that tantalize and tease with promise and potential – but leave fans furious in the end.

  37. Fsuking Says:

    Bridal is the type of kicker I get in Madden franchise mode. Huge leg, no idea where it’s going. I haven’t kicked a FG in Madden since 2013 because I’m not a panzy. It’s a video game and I want 7. This is the NFL in real life and when you are in a spot to get 3 points, you better have a guy that can do it with some sort of regularity.

  38. Fsuking Says:

    I’m officially calling for us to select Roberto Aguayo in the second round of the 2016 NFL draft… Yea I said 2nd round!

  39. Fsuking Says:

    That man will kick for 20 years and miss 20 FG’s In his entire career.

  40. DrHoagy Says:

    I wasn’t expecting a playoff run and anybody who was is a class A goober.
    Joe may like Jack, I prefer Elijah Craig.

  41. FortMyersDave Says:

    Tom Edrington Says:
    “Will have a better chance against Jags, they’re pretty stinky too…”

    But Tom I bet teh jags and their fans are saying the same thing about the Bucs as well. Both teams probably think they can actually win that one. Did we not think Tampa had a decent shot against the Titans??? The Bucs just need to win a ****ing game at home, they have not in almost 2 damnyears. Lovie should be fired like the Raiders fired their lame duck last season at the bye if Tampa is 1-4 and promote Koetter like the Raiders promoted Del rio…. To take a quote from your old boss Mr McEwan: “If you are going to pick the Bucs to win one game all year, this is it….” He used to do make that comment before an early season game against the Pack or Lions all during the creamsicle years, i say we use it against the Jags….. I doubt the Bucs beat carolina: better coach, more talent, less penalties and turnovers and a team that knows how to win….

  42. Bob Ross Says:

    Beat Jags? Sure.
    Contain Cam? Not so sure.
    Here’s hoping.

  43. BuccaneerBonzai Says:

    seminole bill Says
    “Rachel Watson? Nah, too young, could be my daughter. Now, Angie Dickinson, in her prime…”

    Is it dating me that I even know who that is? lol

    Jamie Lee Curtis does it for me. To this day.

    Just like Sean Connery does it for my wife.

  44. Joe Says:

    @BuccaneerBonzai – Please stop lying, Joe never “promised” anything. Second, Joe has no interest in a responsive design website for multiple reasons. You and others take the tone that Joe is an idiot or clueless. Joe is neither. Joe’s traffic continues to grow and sports some of the most impressive numbers (in certain areas) in the sports digital industry.

  45. LargoBuc Says:

    Bucs might beat the Jags but Carolina? I dont see it. Unless we force Cam to Pass by scoring alot of points, then we can force him into making mistakes.

  46. Buccfan37 Says:

    “Embrace the suck”. No Way Jose! Familiarity breeds contempt. Accept the losing, forget it pal. Winning is everything!

  47. Buc1987 Says:

    It’s either embrace the suck or stress out over it all the time. I choose to embrace it.

  48. BuccaneerBonzai Says:

    My response was not permitted? Hmmn.