By Harry King

Joe called me recently (I happened to be dining with Nancy Reagan at the time) asking if I’d be interested in resuming my old weekly column that once appeared in USA Today. I thought, why not? I can write one while I’m waiting for the fabulous Pia Zadora to return my call.

I don’t get the cannons shooting at Raymond James Stadium? It reminds me of my days in Miami when I sat on my patio listening to my friend Tony Bennett’s records. Some folks hear crickets in the summer, Miami residents hear gunfire. … This Cadillac is some kind of running back. He runs smooth, just like the one Jackie Mason and I used to ride in going to the Copacabana. Those were the days! … When Jimmy the Greek and I used to talk football over a plate of meat loaf at Duke Ziebert’s, Jimmy always talked about “intangibles.” Rachel Watson has them.

Dr. Phil called me last night to report he knows of burn victims in the hospital who felt sorry for Sabby Piscitelli. … I always thought my good friend Sandy Koufax (we grew up together in Brooklyn, you know) had the best fastball but he never met Byron Leftwich. … It’s a good thing for Jermaine Phillips that Judge Judy didn’t come up from her home in Naples (where we once shared a lobster dinner — tremendous!) and decided to sit in Section 109. He’d have one helluva sentence to serve. That Judy’s one tough cookie.

Hitting the snooze bar and passing gas while lying in bed early in the morning is one of my guilty pleasures. …  Mike Nugent is no Jackie Gleason. I never saw that man miss a chip shot all the times we golfed. … Watching Raheem Morris’ press conferences are a hoot! Just like the times I interviewed Red Skelton.

Boy, sportswriting has never been worse. Just what kind of sorry writer would use the same lead paragraph week after week after week, year after year after year? My pal Ben Bradlee would run the hack out of his newsroom the second time he tried that stunt. No wonder newspapers are dying. Shirley Povich, where art thou? … Speaking of newspapers, I just can’t read enough gossip about this Scarlett Johansson while I’m sitting on the throne in the morning. She’s some number! Just like Angie Dickinson when we used to go to cocktail parties together. … Watching Tony Romo bomb the Bucs secondary, I remembered a story John David Eisenhower told me about his father and Bastogne.

Don’t fret Bucs fans, it’s only one game. No need to sulk. Whenever I feel down, I just think of how upbeat Liberace always was when he appeared on my show.