Winslow Victim Of Wardrobe Malfunction

January 17th, 2014

kellen winslow 0117a

This is getting better by the moment.

Yesterday, a report came out that a woman claimed DJ Toes on the Line, aka Sgt. Winslow, aka, former Bucs tight end Kellen Winslow, Jr., was seeking chicken and choking his chicken in the upscale privacy of a New Jersey Target parking lot.

The publicist for DJ Toes on the Line, Denise White, was outraged at the allegation, claiming Sgt. Winslow was changing clothes.

“Kellen pulled over to a parking lot to smoke what he thought at the time was a legal substance. He changed his clothes in his vehicle as not to smell like smoke when he returned home. There was absolutely nothing inappropriate that took place and if there was police would have investigated further and charged Kellen which they did not. This will be the only time we will comment on this unfounded and ridiculous claim.”

Now Joe isn’t sure what role the two jars of Vaseline found with Winslow played in the changing of clothes, nor how one can (ahem) stand at attention just by changing clothes, unless someone is a weirdo J. Edgar Hoover-type and gets off wearing women’s lingerie.

Also, lost in the claim that Sgt. Winslow was choking his chicken (allegedly) is that he was also smoking fake pot, which his publicist freely admits.

If Joe is doing his math right, per White, Sgt. Winslow would catch more hell from his wife from smelling like fake pot than if she found out he was dancing with himself (allegedly).

Joe still isn’t sure why one would need an extra set of clothes in his car just to whack off smoke fake dope.

Additionally, Joe likes good food and likes chicken but never thought Boston Market was so good you’d have to, well, you know, in the car.

31 Responses to “Winslow Victim Of Wardrobe Malfunction”

  1. Ed Says:

    Who, cares i thought this was a buc’s blog

  2. Hawaiian Buc Says:

    This guy got problems. Not Davone Bess problems, but problems nonetheless.

  3. tmaxcon Says:

    I’d be more scared the of the wife.. His divorce settlement will be far more than his fines. LOL….

    I won’t be eating chicken for a while thanks to all the comments in the previous post. Jerk Chicken on the grill used to be my favorite. Now I am not so sure.

    How embarrassed his father must be. Sr was a class act…

  4. Patrick in VA Says:

    @Ed – settle down bro. It’s the off season

  5. BuccaneerBonzai Says:

    Can we call him Pee Wee now????

  6. Luther Says:

    The solder was fighting a 1 hand battle with the Germans

  7. The O Face Says:

    Couldn’t have picked a better photo.

  8. SAMCRO Says:

    Two jars of vaseline? Sounds like the Lil’ General tried to ignore his ass too, just like his wife is.

  9. Scotty in Fat Antonio Says:

    Wow and his wife Janelle Winslow is quite a good looking gal too.

  10. FLBoyInDallas Says:

    The soldier was at attention.

  11. Espo Says:

    Spice or whatever brand he was smoking is far worse than pot. I’m sure it played a role in his decision making.

  12. Espo Says:

    And yes this is a Bucs blog but cmon it’s way too good pass up

  13. FLBoyInDallas Says:

    And who hasn’t rubbed one out in a Target parking lot with two jars of Vaseline while fantasizing about Boston Market? I mean come on.

  14. Eric Says:

    “J. Edgar Hoover type”


  15. tmaxcon Says:

    Not mention there are more eco friendly substances than Vaseline. Surprised the tree huggers are not protesting. Go Waterbased.. Sgt

  16. Captain Buc Says:

    Oh man! That’s some funny shizz right there! Fantasizing about Boston Market. That’s a good one.

  17. madmacskillz Says:

    Now THAT headline did not disappoint. This guy just can’t stay out of the weeds. And I’m pretty glad he’s no longer here.

  18. Bucfan#37 Says:

    That is too funny! Funnier than a pill needed to perform.

  19. Harry Says:

    too funny Joe

  20. SAMCRO Says:

    Ok one jar was for Rosie Palm and her four sisters, … but what was the other jar for?

    quick …look under the seat!

    To be somewhat fair and balanced, Winslow is inked up heavily, and anyone who’s had a tatt knows you typically keep a new one covered in Vaseline. It’s at least reasonable he got suspended by the Jets and ran out for some fresh ink, chicken and stress relief. –Joe

  21. Warren G Says:

    LOL, great commentary.

  22. Capt. Tim Says:

    Well, all that Vaseline, and his palms all lubed up.
    No wonder he had problems dropping the ball this season!
    And a grilled chicken fetish, on top of it all.
    Two jars? Wonder if he stashed a drumstick!

  23. Jim Says:

    I guess this explains all the dropped passes his last year here.

  24. Kevin Says:

    Why would he change into clothes that were inside the same vehicle in which he was smoking? Everything is gonna smell like that crap. That synthetic pot is bad news, this is hilarious. First Tebowing, now

  25. DallasBuc Says:

    My questions for this current NFLer are as follows:

  26. Buc2044 Says:


  27. CC vancity Says:

    Ole Palmela Handerson.
    I’ve never tried fake weed. Is it a decent high??

  28. BuccaneerBonzai Says:

    FLBoyInDallas Says
    “And who hasn’t rubbed one out in a Target parking lot with two jars of Vaseline while fantasizing about Boston Market? I mean come on.”

    You are a sick man. LOL.

    Besides, Walmart is better. The Vas is cheaper.

    (oh, god, I just threw up in my mouth)

  29. k1ngadroc Says:

    Ha, Winslowing!! too funny!

  30. JW Says:

    What a Jerk Off!

  31. MadMax Says:

    probably a rest area f@g too