Get Ready For Chucky’s Lockout Camp

February 25th, 2011

On rare occasion Joe strays from Bucs-related stuff to get something off his chest.

While Joe secretly prays for a lockout to never happen, Joe wonders at the same time who’s going to make money from the lockout. And Joe confesses to thinking about how he could cash in – if a lockout really arrives.

Perhaps a “Lockout Tour” from Paradise Worldwide Transportation? Joe’s kidding about the Lockout Tour, of course, but Joe has some great ideas.  

One entity that surely has a plan in place is BSPN. And Joe wants to be the first on record saying a Jon Gruden Lockout Camp has to be in their plans.

Camera-loving Chucky has got to be salivating over a shot to mingle with all those hundreds of NFL players he proclaims to love so much and always wanted to coach. A lockout would free them up because they’d be disconnected from their teams.

“Jimminy Fuc*ing Christmas. You mean I can get on a field with Bruce Gradkowski again? Sh*t, I’d give Mike Vick my dog to coach him up for an afternoon.”

Joe can see Chucky inviting all kinds of quarterbacks for a two-day camp in his hometown Tampa with the BSPN cameras rolling. Maybe separate camps for each offensive position.

Chucky is too much of a football junkie to pass on the opportunity to mingle with players, and he’s enough of a media whore to let BSPN in on the party.

“Look, Mr. Executive Producer, you want to see fuc*n ratings? You get a shot of me praying with Tim Tebow before practice or teaching Peyton Hillis how to protect the football and promo that sh*t all week. I’ll guarantee bigger numbers than a perfect game on Sunday Night Baseball.”

Plus Chucky gets to give a backhanded audition for his next coaching job. It’s just too easy, especially with a players association surely eager to cooperate.

Plaxico Burress is even set to get out of jail in June, a perfect co-star for Chucky’s summer spectacle.

“Look, Plax. I don’t care what the hell kind of routes you ran in the prison yard, but I just called a D-bag, X-box, I-Pad, G-Spot, F-bomb Go. And you didn’t know what the fu*k you were doing. You keep making me look bad and you’ll wish you got shot in the leg again.”

Let’s hope there’s no lockout.

20 Responses to “Get Ready For Chucky’s Lockout Camp”

  1. oar Says:

    You’ll probably get more bites, than fishing from a boat! Gotta love that shore casting! Careful not to wade out to deep, that undertow is a bitch sometimes!!

  2. Capt. Troll killer Tim Says:

    We’ll have to set up an armed perimeter, manned 24-7, to prevent any young Buccaneers from being indoctrinated and compromised. I call my former office, and have acquired some non- lethal anti personel armamentcand land mines. We can erect some towers . .
    Surveilance will be the most important component of our operation. While NO Buccaneer can be allowed to undergo this brain washing, we want to encourage other NFL players to attend. Especially All NFC south players. The Enery is capable of causing irreparable damage to opposing players- especially QBs!!! We must get Matty Ice and Drew Brees there, as Chucky will destroy their confidence and self esteem. I’m compiling video and infrared cameras, along with monitor boards.
    But we are gonna have to get Buc Fans to volunteer to guard our young players. It’s critical, especially in the early stages.
    We can’t allow him to hurt this team anymore! We’ve beat this emery before, we must prevail again-humanity is counting on us!!

  3. DeViLFisH Says:

    “but I just called a D-bag, X-box, I-Pad, G-Spot, F-bomb Go” Gold Jerry, Gold

  4. oar Says:

    Wow Joe, a couple of strikes already! Imagine if you use a cast net?! You could haul them all in at once!

  5. McBuc Says:

    TJoe, That was f$%&ing funny. Thanks for the laugh.

  6. Theodore Says:

    Joe LOL!

  7. Atrain WD40 Says:

    Funny as F#cking H*ll

  8. eric Says:

    Perhaps Chucky can coach the scab team.

    We would have a much better shot at actually winning something.

  9. Macabee Says:

    Joe, since we’re having comedy hour – What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping-tom? A pick-pocket snatches watches!

  10. feel Says:

    While it is amusing, I would have to say it is totally unrealistic. ESPN would be getting on the bad side of the NFL higher-ups by trying to pull something like this, and Chucky would probably piss off more than a few owners in the process, which is something he has so far refused to do.

  11. admin Says:

    Joe here,

    @feel – With the massive checks Disney cuts the NFL, I can’t imagine they’ll get on anyone’s bad side over there. They’ll have cameras at the players informal workouts anyway.

  12. Joe Says:


    The Chucky Lockout Show would/could be very much like when Chucky broke down the top four quarterbacks in the draft last year. It was wildly popular series and there has never been a hint the NFL frowned upon it.

  13. BuccoBill Says:

    Is Thomas blocked? I figured that he would be all over this like a fly on $h*t!

  14. Capt. Troll killer Tim Says:

    I’d love ta have Lil chucky coach the scab team- he’s preety good for one year- just don’t let him near the young Bucs, and don’t let him near the Draft office. Just get him a buncha 35+ year old guys, and don’t let him in one buc. He’d be fine!

  15. mpmalloy Says:

    Imagine how good Freeman would be if he had Gruden for a HC?

    Just kidding……………………………..sort of…………*sigh*

  16. Tommy Boy Says:

    I thoroughly enjoy when Joe puts on his Chucky persona! I honestly believe that play he called for Plax is in his actual playbook. Joe, I suggest you start a weekly column writing in your Chucky voice. I know I’d read it!

  17. lightningbuc Says:

    I’m not sure Gruden’s up to it. Since Marcum got fired for looking at porn down at the Forum, now we know what Gruden’s been doing down there in his office that Marcum gave him the last couple of years.

  18. Thomas 2.2 Says:

    Not blocked guys. Just out west skiing. I will be back contributing more next week. Hope all is well.

  19. Lucas Jackson Says:

    The view from Chucky’s colon:

    eric Says:

    February 25th, 2011 at 1:34 pm
    Perhaps Chucky can coach the scab team.

    We would have a much better shot at actually winning something.

  20. Capt. Troll killer Tim Says:

    If it was like last time, the only shot we have was winning a game on the seniors tour!!