From The Professor’s Desk …

December 4th, 2009
The Professor addresses cheering for Philip Rivers and the rest of whales vagina team

The Professor addresses cheering for Philip Rivers and the rest of "whale's vagina" team

The creator, curator and Mr. Everything at the popular is not only the premier Tampa Bay Rays blogger/analyst/wiseass fan on the planet, but a hardcore Buccaneers fan.

Joe is honored to have The Professor, Cork Gaines, join him for a weekly feature at His column delivers far more punch than any Andy Sonnanstine fastball.

The Professor is here to ask, and answer, the tough questions.

Everybody relax, I’m here. This is The Professor in the Pork Chop Express, and I’m talkin’ to whoever’s listenin’ out there…

FIRST QUARTER (a look back)
Everybody had something to say about Raheem Morris’ decision to fake a punt last week against the Falcons…Was this as bad as everybody says? 

At the time of the fake punt I shook my head. When Morris went for a field goal later in the same area of the field, I had a heart attack in my butt. The fake punt came at the 39 yard line. Later in the fourth quarter, with the ball at the 36 on third down, Morris chose to play for a field goal with a basic running play on 3rd and 7. We only have a real problem with one of those calls. Either you have confidence in your kicker, or you don’t. If Connor Barth can’t make it from 56 yards, then fake the punt. At 1-9, who cares? But if you don’t have confidence then why go for the field goal later? If Morris didn’t think Barth could make from 56 yards, then why did he think he could make it from the 53 (actually it was 51, but Morris played for the field goal a play earlier). 56 yards is a long field goal, but Connor Barth connected from 54 outdoors in Miami. One of those calls was horrible. I am just not sure which one…MAYBE

SECOND QUARTER (looking forward)
The Bucs’ 1-10 record is their worst start to a season since 1985…Why should Bucs fans continue to care about this team?

Interesting side note about that ’85 Bucs squad. They opened the season with a 38-28 loss to the Bears. The only team to score more points against Chicago that season was the Dolphins. Of course, Miami was the only blemish that season against a Bears team that went 18-1 with a defense that many consider the best ever…WAIT. WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

THIRD QUARTER (outside the pocket)
With only five games remaining, the Bucs face Carolina this Sunday with one last hope for a late season run to get out of last place…What other games should Bucs fans pay attention to this weekend?

The Bucs are still in a three-way tie for the worst record in the NFL. Based on opponents’ strength of schedule (.556), the Bucs would hold the third pick if the season ended today (CLE, .534; StL, .545). Without a clear No. 1 player in the draft, the Bucs may be better off without the top pick. Still, the strength of schedule is too close for comfort. St. Louis has little chance of winning in Chicago, but Cleveland could pull the upset at home against San Diego, which won’t like the 39-degree, game-time temps. Bucs fans should be rooting hard for the Chargers. Besides, San Diego is German for “A Whale’s Vagina.” And who doesn’t like whales?…SAN DIEGO @ CLEVELAND

FOURTH QUARTER (no huddle)
When asked about his decision-making skills Monday, Raheem Morris admitted that his decisions have been “not good”…Did you expect him to say something different?

One of these days, Raheem is going to walk in and start looking at things in the room and saying that he loves them…RAHEEM LOVES LAMP

The Bucs just signed their third punter of the season…Good move?

At 1-10, why not just go into full Madden-mode and go for it on every fourth down?…PROBABLY WON’T BE ASKED TO THROW THE BALL

The Bucs just signed Rudy Carpenter to be the third quarterback…What does this move tell you?

Including the preseason, the Bucs have already had four starting quarterbacks, and Carpenter represents the fifth active QB. Who is coaching this team again?…THOUGHT THEY FIRED GRUDEN?

Steve Spurrier was 0-12 as qurterback of the Bucs…But how cool is this picture?

There is so much to love. The long sleeves. The wristbands. The orange belt. The long hair. The pants and socks that look like they hadn’t seen a washing machine in a few weeks…OH MAMA

We have heard you pick a beverage for each game based on the matchup…What is the drink of choice for week 13 against the Panthers?

The Bucs need all the help they can get. Until they make a drinkable version of “Sex Panther” (made with real bits of panther), I’ll have to go with a little Black Magic...VOODOO BLACK MAGICK

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