Archive for the ‘THE PESSIMIST’ Category

THE PESSIMIST: Crybaby Clayton All But Seals Exit

Monday, December 29th, 2008
THE PESSIMIST has found a rare photo of Michael Clayton in possession of the football. This image happens slightly more often than an appearance of the Comet Kohoutek.

THE PESSIMIST has found a rare photo of Michael Clayton in possession of the football. This image happens slightly more often than an appearance of the Comet Kohoutek.

Much was made of wide receiver Michael Clayton’s first touchdown reception of 2008 yesterday — first of the season… in the last game of the season. But THE PESSIMIST was beyond shocked to learn, thanks to Stephen Holder of the St. Petersburg Times, the touchdown was only Clayton’s second touchdown in four seasons.

For catching one touchdown pass this season, Hands of Stone Clayton pocketed a cool figure of $2,055,280 if the USA Today NFL player salary datebase is to be trusted.

Of course, Clayton continued his whining that he began last week about not being utilized properly.

“I’ve never doubted my ability to get in the end zone. I’ve always been a guy to play my hardest, and I try to take advantage of that opportunity. Today, I was given that opportunity.”

Hey Mike, how was that “opportunity” you had to convert a critical fourth down play from the Raiders-33 midway through the fourth quarter? You know, the one where you had both hands on the ball? Oh, that’s right, you dropped it! I guess it’s a good thing you have selective amnesia, huh?

THE PESSIMIST agrees with Joe: One can find all sorts of bouncers and truck drivers who can block and run good routes. But a wide receiver also has to be able catch the ball once in a blue moon.

THE PESSIMIST has noticed that Ike Hilliard doesn’t get a whole lot of opportunities yet he’s able to haul the damned ball in. Antonio Bryant missed a year of football and started the season as a reserve yet he was able to catch the damned ball.

THE PESSIMIST was a big supporter of Clayton when he was drafted by the Bucs when 99 percent of Bucs fans were screaming bloody murder. Sadly, his detractors were quickly proven to be correct.

Don’t let the door at One Buc Palace hit you in the rear end on your way out, Clayton. Unless, of course, you play for the league minimum. Guys who average two touchdowns every four years shouldn’t be pulling in seven figures a year.

Players who pull millions to catch two touchdowns in four years generally move on to pulling money away from senile senior citizens in aluminum siding telemarketing scams.

THE PESSIMIST: Stop The Kiffin Blame Game!

Monday, December 29th, 2008
The Pessimist has had it with people blaming Monte Kiffin for the Bucs December tank job.

THE PESSIMIST has had it with people blaming Monte Kiffin for the Bucs December tank job.

THE PESSIMIST has had his morning coffee. Combined with Chucky’s month-long tank job, THE PESSIMIST is ready to rock.

Fasten your seatbelts.

The next time THE PESSIMIST hears some parrot walk up to him squawking about how the defense quit because the defensive coordinator (Kiffin) quit, THE PESSIMIST is going to take a baseball bat to him.

Or lock him in a closet and force him to listen to a non-stop loop of those overaged, unemployed yenta chicken wing waitresses that pollute the local airwaves. Shame on Les Moonves!

To those who regurgitate this nonsense about how the defense laid down because Monte Kiffin left for Tennessee need to clam up because each time they open their mouths they prove their ignorance of football, or are too lazy to do the simplest research that even a moron like the former self-admitted steroid abuser could do.

If this premise is to be believed, that Kiffin is the root cause of the defense falling apart in December, then someone, anyone, feel free to explain to THE PESSIMIST why the defense coughed up 384 yards to the putrid Chiefs the first week of November? The Chiefs!

Or explain how about the vaunted Bucs defense spotted the NFL record-setting, historic worst team, the Lions, 10 points in the first quarter? The Lions of all teams! Detroit’s rookie running back Kevin Smith had 86 yards rushing in a game where the Kittens had to pass to catch up in the second half.

Sound familiar?

What, did Lions offensive coordinator Jim Colletto suddenly go from abject moron to Bill Walsh? Colletto is such a miserable offensive mind — keyword: offensive — that he had one of the worst offenses in recent Big Ten history when he coached Purdue. Can you imagine?

Yet so many empty heads throughout the country much less locally are jumping up and down that Kiffin has Pearl Harbored the Bucs.

Indeed!

So the Bucs losing their starting defensive tackles against Carolina, replaced by a couple of Chiefs castoffs (repeat that phrase a couple of times for it to sink in) had nothing to do with the defensive collapse? So Derrick Brooks playing with more injuries than THE PESSIMIST can count on one hand had nothing to do with the defensive collapse? So starting safety Jermaine Phillips being lost for the season with a broken arm had nothing to do with the defensive collapse? So (over the hill?) Ronde Barber getting burned more than microwave popcorn wasn’t a problem?

Please!

So then explain to THE PESSIMIST, anyone, how the Bucs defense had solid outings after Joe reported in mid-October Kiffin was sniffing around for a possible college job? Anyone? Bueller?

The next time someone tells THE PESSIMIST to his face that Kiffin is the reason the Bucs aren’t in the playoffs, you may read about THE PESSIMIST in tomorrow morning’s 19th-Century version of news delivery.

Then again, maybe the fishwraps are no longer in the business of reporting (alleged) assaults?

THE PESSIMIST: Glazers, Goodell Must Step Up

Monday, December 22nd, 2008
The Glazer family must flex its muscles and get the NFL to move the Cowboys-Eagles game back to 1 p.m on Sunday

The Glazer family must flex its muscles and get the NFL to move the Cowboys-Eagles game back to 1 p.m on Sunday

No surprise to learn the NFL is doing its Monday best to make sure the Dallas Cowboys make the playoffs and the Bucs stay home. Today the NFL announced that the Cowboys-Eagles game has been moved to a 4:15 p.m. start in Philadelphia on Sunday.

How convenient.

If the Bucs beat the Oakland Raiders at 1 p.m. in Tampa on Sunday, the Eagles will enter their Dallas game eliminated from the playoffs, and significantly less motivated to beat the Cowboys. In that scenario, the Cowboys would make the playoffs with a win in Philly and Tampa Bay would be eliminated. 

If the NFL cared more about the integrity of the games than TV ratings, it would not have made the switch. The Glazers need to scream loudly at this injustice. And Roger Goodell must be shamed into doing what’s right for the fans and players.

Isn’t Goodell’s primary job to protect the integrity of the league?

Everybody moans when officials are too involved in the outcomes of games. The league intentionally affecting results is unforgiveable.

THE PESSIMIST: Fans Losing Their Minds

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
"Hey, we're going 11-5, and you can my freckled ass"

"Hey dude in the third row, scream for Galloway all you want. We're going 11-5, and you can kiss my freckled ass."

There is no angrier Bucs fan than THE PESSIMIST, but at least he’s not running through life with his eyes closed and half a brain, like the legions of fans moaning about Bucs armageddon on sports radio this week.

Is it really possible that all of those clowns actually thought the Bucs were going to roll into Carolina and Atlanta and win those games? That’s why the Vegas sportsbook owners laugh every Sunday night, instead of cry.

Nobody in the freakin’ NFC South has won a road game in the division. NOBODY. Crap, most Bucs fans pleasure themselves to the thought of the NFC South being the best division in the NFL. Yet so many fans and radio hosts are blathering on like the season’s over after the last two games and Jon Gruden should have his tail between his legs.

Let’s compare. Hmmm. Like the Bucs, those fabulous Falcons have three road wins this season: at Oakland, at San Diego, and at Green Bay. Boy that’s special. Those teams are all below .500. At least the Bucs knocked off a winning team on the road, the (8-6) Chicago Bears.

Guess what. Those mighty, overrated Cowboys (9-5) also have three road wins, and not a one against a winning team (Browns, Skins and Packers).

If you’ve paid any attention to the NFL, you know that the road is tough for everyone, unless the team is truly dominant. And nobody with a clue  – before or during this season – should have thought the 2008 Bucs could be a world-beating, road-dominating machine.

The Bucs are poised to finish 11-5, after romping the Chargers and Raiders at home these next two weeks. Regardless of the painful, shameful Bucs offense with a coordinator who wets his panties in the red zone, the Bucs will win those games.

And no matter how much you’ll think the Bucs are a joke of a playoff team. They’ll be going to the party at 11-5.

Even THE PESSIMIST can’t complain with a straight face about an 11-5 season. Now if they can’t win a playoff game, or even get to 11-5, that’s another story.

THE PESSIMIST: Running Game Is Worthless

Monday, December 15th, 2008
Even scaredy cat Dexter Jackson isn't afraid of the Bucs running game. A 38-year-old quarterback with a bad calf is their biggest backfield threat.

Even scaredy cat Dexter Jackson isn't afraid of the Bucs running game. A 38-year-old quarterback with a bad calf is their biggest backfield threat.

Twelve stinkin’ yards. That’s the longest run by a Bucs running back in the past three key division games against New Orleans, Carolina and Atlanta.

The Bucs backfield couldn’t scare Dexter Jackson.

But forget the stats for a minute and focus on what’s going on with the Bucs rushing attack (if you can even use the word attack for something so weak).

  • Tampa Bay rarely earns positive yardage in the red zone.
  • The Bucs have no short yardage threat (except on 1st down).
  • Their breakaway threat is a nearly 39-year-old quarterback with a bad calf.
  • Defenses have gone from daring the Bucs to throw to challenging them to run.

Warrick Dunn is a great back whose time has passsed. He can show some flashes and protect the ball, but his role should be that of change-of-pace back used sparingly to keep him fresh. It’s obvious the season grind and 15 touches a game is more than he can physically handle.

Cadillac Williams said his whole body is sore and he’s not nearly 100 percent recovered from his knee injury 15 months ago, according to FOX Sports announcers’ comments during Sunday’s game at Atlanta.

So somebody please explain how the Bucs are better with healthy, explosive Michael Bennett in San Diego? Chucky and Bruce Allen shortchanged Bucs fans by cutting Bennett, rather than baggage handlers Josh Johnson and Dexter Jackson.

Sure, Earnest Graham was lost with a knee injury in November. But what about the Bucs overrated offensive line? Nobody can accuse them of consistenly blowing open holes in these last three games, all critical division contests.

Speaking on the Bucs Radio Network pregame show Sunday, offensive lineman Donald Penn said the Bucs O-line is “a top-5 line in the NFL.” Yeah, nice try, Donald.

Whether the Bucs’ O-line is top-5, top-10 or simply topless, the Bucs won’t win a playoff game with their worthless running game.

THE PESSIMIST: The Case Against The NFC South

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
Not even Johnny Cochran could have made a good case for the NFC South being better than the NFC East. It doesn't add up, says THE PESSIMIST.

Not even Johnny Cochran could have made a good case for the NFC South being better than the NFC East. It doesn't add up, says THE PESSIMIST.

Enough already with so many experts, average Joes and seemingly everybody saying the NFC South is better than the NFC East.

Nothing could be further from than the truth. 

No NFC South team has even won a game against the NFC East this season. You got that.

Stop believing the hype already and look at the numbers and watch the games.

From top to bottom:

Giants (11-1)  vs. Bucs (9-3) – Sorry Bucs fans, Tampa Bay just ain’t there yet. Let’s say these teams’ great defenses are equivalent. The Giants offense is light years ahead of the Bucs’, in all aspects. No shame there. The G-Men are the Super Bowl champs and have lost one game in the past year.

Cowboys (8-4) vs. Panthers (9-3) – Carolina has a better record, but the Panthers have wins over just two winning teams: Arizona and Atlanta. Dallas has three wins against winning clubs: Philadelphia, Washington and, yes, Tampa Bay. That means the Cowboys have more quality wins and they took out the best team in the South with Brad Johnson at QB. (Sorry for the evoking the bad memory).  Statistically, the Cowboys are better in nearly every category, except for points allowed. The Panthers offense is on par with the Bucs’ – and that’s not too good – although they have a true Pro Bowl threat in Steve Smith. Bottom line: With Tony Romo back from injury, the Cowboys are more dangerous and they’d be favored in any head-to-head matchup.

Falcons (8-4) vs. Redskins (7-5) – The Falcons get the edge here despite having a victory over just one winning club, a good beating of Carolina a couple weeks ago. Atlanta is more physical than the Skins, and Michael Turner can hang with Clinton Portis, if you’re comparing running backs. The Falcons are improving and more confident nearly every week. Washington has scored fewer points than its allowed. That more than anything says it all, despite three good wins against Arizona, Dallas and Philly. 

Eagles (6-5-1) vs. Saints (6-6) – This should be another no-brainer; The Eagles are a better club. They’ve taken out the Steelers, Cardinals and Falcons, plus they have a better record. The only winner New Orleans has taken out is the Bucs on opening day. Think about that. Statistically, Philly has a top-10 defense in the major defensive categories. New Orleans’ D is near the bottom of the league. Both clubs score a lot of points. The Saints are fourth in the league in that category, with Philly coming in 6th. All that aside, the Eagles are a more complete team.

So there you have it. The NFC East has three teams better than its NFC South counterparts.

And again, no South club has beaten an East club this year. Scoreboard. There is no legit argument here.

THE PESSIMIST: NFL Encouraging Bounty Hunters

Friday, November 21st, 2008
Thankfully, Garcia is used to getting his bell rung at home

Thankfully, Garcia is used to getting his bell rung at home

So Vikings DE Ray Edwards, a man who clearly doesn’t respect the game, leveled Jeff Garcia with a major shot to the head on Sunday. Edwards was four or five steps late to Garcia who had released a pass in the pocket deep in Vikings territory.

Today, the geniuses at NFL headquarters said the hit was only worthy of a $25,000 fine.

Oh, that’ll really teach Edwards, or discourage any other player. Yeah, right.

With such a flimsy fine on a ruthless head shot to a quarterback, the NFL is encouraging headhunting and teams placing a bounty on players. Buddy Ryan must be wishing he was still coaching.

In what other sport would a player get off that easy? None. What’s the harm in issuing a fine and making the guy sit out the next game without pay?

Perhaps this explains why the Bucs signed linebacker Matt McCoy again this week, after cutting him earlier this season following a DUI arrest. McCoy is the perfect goon to take out Jake DelHomme on Monday Night Football in two weeks.

Monte Kiffin can call a few early blitzes and have McCoy go full-throttle, helmet-to-helmet on DelHomme no matter what. That’ll only cost him probably $35K and maybe win the Bucs the division title.

Seems worth it to me.

THE PESSIMIST: Open Your Eyes Whitlock!

Friday, November 14th, 2008
Just the suggestion that the Bucs are worse off since Son of Bob was injured is so revolting to Joe it nearly provoked a seizure.

Just the suggestion that the Bucs are worse off since Son of Bob was injured is so revolting to THE PESSIMIST it nearly provoked a seizure.

THE PESSIMIST has always been a big fan of Jason Whitlock of FoxSports.com and the Kansas City Star. Really, you have to admire a guy who gets fired from BSPN for publicly calling out Mike Lupica, both on and off the air. Well done, Jason!

And Joe also knows that Jason played offensive line for Ball State. So it’s not like he doesn’t know the game.

If that isn’t enough street cred for you, how about the time Whitlock and Meshawn Johnson had to be separated because the two almost got into a fistfight in the Bucs locker room after a game?

But when Joe read the following from Jason’s recent column on FoxSports.com it pained Joe and saddened him.

Jason was writing about the top 10 and bottom 10 NFL coaches and he had Chucky at No. 10 of the best.

10. Buccaneers’ Jon Gruden: He lost his quarterback (Brian Griese) and tailback (Cadillac Williams) and the Bucs are still sitting at 6-3. The Bucs have a mediocre offensive line and 50-year-old Joey Galloway is the team’s deep threat. Somehow Gruden gets this offense in the end zone often enough for the Bucs to be competitive.

The problem isn’t that Jason had Chucky at No. 10. That argument is for another day. It’s the misinformation that Jason uses to come up with his conclusion that is troubling.

First of all, only Son of Bob’s father, agent or wife would consider Son of Bob the Bucs starting quarterback. The only reason Son of Bob was even in the lineup was one of Chucky’s twisted and demented mind games. It’s a blessing for the Bucs that Son of Bob got hurt. It forced Chucky’s hand.

Now hold on! THE PESSIMIST doesn’t want any player to get hurt. But he cringes at how awful the Bucs season would be if Son of Bob was still behind center. 

Same thing with Cadillac Williams. He’s been out with an injury for over a year and the Bucs have better running backs. Chucky and the Bucs didn’t “lose” Williams. Besides, the Bucs won the NFC South last year without Williams. So how exactly were the Bucs worse off without him?

Additionally, Jason called the White Tiger the Bucs only deep threat. Really? You mean Jason never saw Antonio Bryant?

The worst element of Jason’s comment was the Bucs have a mediocre line. Give me a break! The offensive line is arguably the best the Bucs have ever had! Sure, they can be a bit shaky with pass blocking but for run blocking these guys are road graders.

Most depressing about Jason’s synopsis is that Jason (allegedly) was in the Arrowhead Stadium press box when the Bucs played in Kansas City two weeks ago. So how in the world can he suggest the things he wrote?

Jason, THE PESSIMIST loves you but come on man. If you haven’t watched a team, don’t try to pretend you know everything about the team. What you wrote tells just about any Bucs fan that you paid little or no attention to the Bucs in the past two years.

You’re better than that, Jason!

THE PESSIMIST: Watch The Damn Game

Saturday, November 1st, 2008
"Yo, ESPN.com dude, I'll help you set up your VCR."

"Yo, ESPN.com dude, I'll help you set up your VCR."

Nothing worse than a media guy who claims to be an expert but doesn’t do his homework.

Pat Yasinskas, ESPN.com’s guru of the NFC South, revealed his half-ass work habits in an interview Friday with the Fabulous Sports Babe on ESPN 1010 AM. The Babe brought in Yasinskas to talk about the Bucs and all things NFC and NFC South.

Well, Yasinskas told the Babe he hadn’t watched the Bucs-Dallas game, only highlights.

His reason? Yasinskas said he was in London for the Saints-Chargers game and didn’t get a chance. Yet he said he didn’t stay in England after the game to sightsee.

Ever hear of a VCR, Pat? How bout a DVR? How about calling your friends at ESPN to get you a tape? Or your pals at Bucs headquarters? 

 You cover the NFC South. That’s your whole job. Watch the damn games before you waste every Bucs fan’s time with a radio interview.

THE PESSIMIST: Bucs Offense Beyond Ugly

Sunday, October 26th, 2008
"Jeff, I know we need a touchdown, but don't throw it in the end zone."

"Jeff, I know we need a touchdown, but don't throw it in the end zone."

Time to bust out the barf bags, after you finish screaming at Chucky for failing to throw the ball in the freakin’ end zone on the final drive.

You needed a touchdown coach. Take a shot!

So the Bucs enter the Dallas debacle with Joey Galloway healthy, Jeff Garcia sharp, the offensive line in tact and Antonio Bryant coming off a breakout game. Throw in workhorse Earnest Graham feeling good and Ike Hilliard back on the field, and that’s as healthy as it gets for Week 8 in the NFL.

And the Bucs put only nine points on the scoreboard.

It was the first time this season the Cowboys’ defense had held its opponent to under 10 points!

Some genius this Chucky is.

The Cowboys defense won the majority of battles with the Bucs offensive line, but they didn’t outplay them enough to have held them to nine points?

It’s time to start wondering whether the Bucs have enough offense to win a playoff game.

Today they played a playoff defense and wet themselves.

THE PESSIMIST: Dynamic Duo Are Hypocrites

Saturday, October 18th, 2008
The Pessimist can't believe linebacker Matt McCoy (above) was released less than 12 hours after getting a DUI, yet teh King of Turds is still on the roster.

The Pessimist can't believe linebacker Matt McCoy (above) was released less than 12 hours after getting a DUI, yet the King of Turds is still on the roster.

Hypocrisy, thy name is Chucky. And Bruce Almighty.

The Pessimist came across a little bit of news and is so upset, he can hardly drink a beer despite tons of college football on the tube.

Seems as though Bucs linebacker Matt McCoy got pulled over this morning 500 feet from his house in Tampa and got popped for a DUI.

Hours later, the Bucs released him.

While it’s novel that Bruce Almighty and Chucky had the moral courage to cut a reserve linebacker over a DUI charge (note: he hasn’t plead guilty or gone to trial), it’s the height of hypocrisy that the piece of human debris, the King of Turds, Jerramy Stevens stays on the roster.

Stevens, like McCoy, is a reserve. And unlike the King of Turds, while serious, McCoy hasn’t come close to pulling the stunts that the King of Turds has.

And yet, the scum that is the King of Turds claims he’s being singled out. The nerve!

The fact it took the Bucs hierarchy a few hours to wash their hands of McCoy and embrace that dirtbag Stevens is beyond an outrage. With McCoy, who gets a DUI, Bruce Almighty and Chucky have courage. With the King of Turds who was charged with heinous crimes against women, the Dynamic Duo bend over.

And yes, Bucs fans, Bruce Almighty and Chuck are slapping you in the face with this decision. For Bucs fans of the fairer sex, the Dynamic Duo spits in your face.

This is enough for The Pessimist to throw a beer on the King of Turds tomorrow and get thrown out of the CITS and arrested. It would almost be money worth spent.

In short, cutting McCoy while embracing the King of Turds, is disgusting.

THE PESSIMIST: No Rush, No Super Bowl

Sunday, October 12th, 2008
The Bucs crappy pass rush hasn't taken down a quarterback in 10 quarters.

The Bucs' crappy pass rush hasn't taken down a quarterback in 10 quarters.

Please don’t say the Bucs were near perfect in Sunday’s win against Carolina.

The goal is to craft a Super Bowl team – not a soft division winner – and the Bucs are miles away from challenging for the NFC title.

The pass rush continues to be invisible.  Tampa Bay’s last sack? Try Barrett Ruud taking down Aaron Rodgers in the second quarter against the Green Bay Packers. That’s 10 quarters now without dropping a quarterback.

The Bucs’ success against the Panthers is a testament to their tremendous linebacker and secondary play. (The Bears sacked Delhomme three times. The Vikings dumped him five times.)  Just freakin’ imagine how dominant this D could be if they could get some real pressure up the gut or off the edge.

Monte Kiffin deserves the benefit of the doubt here, but he’s not a wizard.

No matter how Monte schemes, he can’t turn Greg White into Warren Sapp, or Gaines Adams into Simeon Rice. And no matter how many cartwheels Jovan Haye does, he and Chris Hovan will never be mistaken for Pro Bowlers.

THE PESSIMIST: Ronde Dogged It

Sunday, September 28th, 2008
Ronde Barber gave up on a play against the Packers. If he's not fined, he should apologize to the team and the fans

Ronde Barber gave up on a play against the Packers. If he's not fined, he should apologize to the team and the fans

Yeah. Yeah. We all know that Ronde Barber is a superstar, a likely Hall of Famer.  Blah. Blah. A cornerstone of the Bucs’ D for years.

But the reality is that Ronde was beaten badly against New Orleans, was skewered multiple times against the Bears, and against the Packers today he fell down in coverage and allowed a first-quarter touchdown.

Worse, Barber gave up on the play after getting up from the fall. Who the hell gives up on a play on the opening drive

Look at the tape. Barber falls. Greg Jennings gets behind him. Barber gets up. Jennings makes the catch. Barber puts on the brakes. 

If Gruden and Kiffin have any guts, they’ll fine Barber for dogging it. Nobody’s above the team and exempt from giving 100 percent.

And whoever stole Barber’s shoes and swapped them with Dexter Jackson’s, please return them. It’s not funny.

THE PESSIMIST: Sternberg Ain’t No Glazer

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008
If Rays owner Stu Sterberg were a Glazer, he'd be whacked
If Rays owner Stu Sternberg were a Glazer, he’d be whacked

Here’s a tip of the helmet to the Rays organization for making the MLB playoffs, but team owner Stu Sternberg is an absolute idiot for not making every seat at Tropicana Field available for the games. 

Hey, Stu, we’ll never confuse you with Malcolm Glazer and his $1.1 billion Buccaneers empire. You’re going to leave 9,000+ empty seats in your building and then have the balls to ask taxpayers to help you build a new stadium because you aren’t making enough money?

If you were a Glazer, Joel and the boys would have you whacked.

The Devil Rays closed the upper deck for games years ago to save a few bucks and make the atmosphere, uh, more intimate. Sure, a small percentage of seats up there are obstructed view, but the majority would be a freakin’ great place to catch a buzzing playoff game.  Apparently Sternberg hasn’t seen footage of the Final Four and the Devil Rays opening day in 1998.

No, the Rays are going to keep a big plastic bag over those seats, shortchange the businesses surrouding the Trop, piss off iced out fans, and wonder why they don’t have more of a home field advantage.  

Good luck with the new stadium, Stu.

THE PESSIMIST: Cut Dexter Jackson

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

Just get it over with already. It’s time to cut Dexter Jackson. The guy literally can’t stay on his feet. He takes more dives than a Honduran soccer player.

Send him home and promote Michael Spurlock off the practice squad.

Dexter Jackson continues to slip and fall whenever he touches the ball

Dexter Jackson continues to slip and fall whenever he touches the ball

All the Bucs are asking Jackson to do right now is catch punts and kickoffs and use his 4.3 speed to get positive yardage. He can’t do it.

He slipped on the turf in the Superdome, at RayJay, and put on a freakin’ diving clinic at Soldier Field. During his first two returns Sunday, he wiped out on invisible banana peels. After Chucky sat him down, Jackson returned in the fourth quarter to catch a punt and run backwards for a loss.

Where do you go from here with the guy? Running is essential in sports. And he can’t run without falling. What, are they going to work on that in practice? “Good job, Dexter. Way to stay on your feet. One more time. One foot in front of the other. Attaboy. Let’s try it again.”

On top of that, on a day when Chucky serves up 67 passes, not one falls into the hands of the second-round pick out of Appalachian State. If he can’t crack this below-average receiving corps, and he can’t return kicks, then what is his future?

Cut your losses, Bucs.

In case you forgot what a kick return looks like, here’s a look at Spurlock’s historic run last year. Spurlock Takes It To The House

THE PESSIMIST: Son of Bob Must Go

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008
Son of Bob can hand the ball off. Anything other than that scares Joe to death.

Son of Bob can hand the ball off. Anything other than that scares Joe to death.

Rick Brown of the Lakeland Ledger has often come up with good reads this season. But there’s one subject that Brown is so far off base on it’s not even funny: Son of Bob, aka Brian Griese.

Brown waxes poetic about Griese again today, as if the guy is Carson Palmer or something. Either Brown has never witnessed Son of Bob quarterback before, or he devotes so much time to covering the Bucs he has tunnel vision.

Or possibly he has a debt to settle with the Griese family?

Today, Brown wrote about the Garcia-Griese quarterback controversy that Chucky has dug for himself. The column is so outrageous Joe really doesn’t know where to start.

Yet, something happened to the relationship between Gruden and Garcia between the start of the 2007 season and now.

It could have been Garcia’s unsteady performance in the playoff game or his openly demanding a new contract.

Gee, you don’t think Chucky sitting Garcia down in the latter part of the season, thereby preventing Garcia’s seven-figure contract bonus from kicking in has anything to do with Garcia being even moderately perturbed? It wasn’t Garcia’s decision to sit himself, it was Chucky’s call. And it cost Garcia a cool million and maybe the Bucs a playoff win. And Garcia is supposed to bend over and grunt, “Thank you, sir, may I have another?”

Hey Rick, pretend you had a quota of columns to write each week. If you meet your quota you get a helluva bonus at year’s end. Your editor tells you to take a break and only write one column next week. Then, come December, you get demoted from the Bucs to cover Kathleen High School girls basketball and not get your bonus.

Why? Because you only wrote one column in a particular week in September. Would you be on good terms with your editor then?

You see, Griese managed the Tampa Bay offense. He made enough plays early to help his squad get a lead and maintain it. He converted third downs and did not throw an interception (he did lose a fumble after getting hit on the blind side).

Yet, will it be good enough when the Bucs face the Dallas Cowboys? Will it be good enough to make it to the playoffs?

For now, Gruden believes so.

More nonsense. This “managing” the offense is a load of crap. You can hire a kid out of high school to hand the ball off. Unless a team has a defense as good as Baltimore’s in the 2001 Super Bowl, “managing” an offense doesn’t get the job done. How successful were the Bucs using that philosophy under Tony Dungy?

A quarterback must be used as a weapon, not a liability. A decent team doesn’t hide a quarterback. If you are not playing for a Super Bowl, then why the hell are you even on the field?

But thanks for bringing up that fumble by Griese when the Bucs had a chance to put the Falcons away Sunday. Turnovers, thy name is Brian Griese.

Griese has thrown for more than 18,000 yards in his career. He is now 43-36 as a starter (10-7 with the Bucs). Yet, there is one stat that stands out, Griese has never played in a playoff contest.

Gee, I wonder why? Good grief Rick, think about it: If Griese was worth a nickel, do you think Chicago would have let him go?

 This guy is so miserable, he couldn’t beat out Kyle Orton or Rex Grossman — KYLE ORTON!!! Take a moment for that to sink in. Outside of possibly Minnesota, no NFL team has more stiffs at quarterback than Chicago. And Son of Bob is such a talent, he couldn’t unseat either Orton or Grossman!

Think about it Rick: Arguably the game’s best quarterback coach, Mike Shanahan, let Son of Bob go. Why exactly do you think that is? I mean, this guy couldn’t even beat out Jay Fiedler of all people in Miami. Seriously!

And lastly, if Son of Bob was worth a crap, why did Chucky cut him two years ago?

For Griese, it was a good return to action at Raymond James Stadium. The last time he played as a Buc, he got hurt and was released in the offseason. He is a winner again. At least for now.

A winner? What exactly has Son of Bob won in the NFL? Sure, he won a national championship in college. So did Jay Barker and Craig Krenzel. In case you didn’t know it, this is the NFL, not NCAA.

So I guess you call Dieter Brock a winner, too, I mean he was the starting QB on a team that got to the NFC championship? At least Brock had an excuse: he was German! What’s Son of Bob’s excuse?

Teams that go far in the playoffs are settled at quarterback position. The Bucs are settled for now.

No, Rick. Teams that have good quarterbacks, or a sick defense that comes around once in a generation, go far in the playoffs. The Bucs, especially with Son of Bob calling signals, have neither.

THE PESSIMIST: “King of Turds” Returns

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008
The Turd is back.

The “King of Turds” is back.

Well, everyone’s favorite tight end is back with the Bucs. That means a good guy who clearly had a lot of fans in the area is gone, Ben Troupe.

Jerramy Stevens, who last year was revealed to have a less than angelic past while attending the University of Washington, is back on the roster after serving a two-game suspension for “extreme DUI.” Imagine?

Stevens is such a man of high moral honor, he was awarded with the prestigious ProFootballTalk.com’s all-time All-Turd team.

“This guy was the King of the Turds even before his antics at the University of Washington were chronicled by the Seattle Times. And yet he somehow still has a job in the league.”

This distresses Joe a great deal. It’s not like the Bucs are in desperate need of a backup tight end. So why put such a scumbag back on the roster. Or do the Glazer Boys not care to sell tickets or gear to women? Seems as though the Bucs are pushing tickets. So why alienate half of your market with this piece of human debris?

While Joe is not a Gators fan, he marveled at Troupe in college. The former first round pick of Tennessee, Troupe was a steal as a backup Joe thought. Certainly better than the “King of Turds.”