Archive for the ‘THE PESSIMIST’ Category

THE PESSIMIST: Caddy Precaution Ridiculous

Saturday, August 15th, 2009

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

In the real world, one is usually cautious with things of value.

For example, if your devoted girlfriend is a smoking hot college gymnast, then you don’t share with her how hot you think her teammates are, plus you remove the Rachel Watson posters from your bedroom.

Another example, if you have a gorgeous blonde boss at the office, then you don’t answer honestly at your annual review when she asks, “Is there anything I can do better to improve your workdays?”

These are basic life tenets. If something is valuable, like a job or a relationship, then you are careful not to screw it up.

That brings THE PESSIMIST to Raheem The Dream’s decision to bench Cadillac Williams for the first two preseason games.

In The Dream’s words, “I’m not going to be stupid. I’ll wait until the third preseason game to play him.” 

Sorry, Coach. You are being stupid. Who are you Joe Maddon? Is Caddy on some sort of can’t-take-a-hit count? For what exactly are your saving Cadillac?

Cadillac has no value. None. He’s damaged goods in the NFL. You couldn’t trade him for Bruce Gradkowski, and you can’t count on him for anything.

With this logic, wouldn’t you sit Earnest Graham tonight? Graham’s coming off an injury and has never played a full season. And surely he’s far more valuable than Cadillac.

Getting Cadillac significant carries in the first couple of preseason games should be the first step to seeing if he belongs.

Raheem The Dream himself says Caddy is completely healthy. If Caddy lights it up, then instantly he has some trade value and the Bucs know he’s truly ready. Maybe they even figure out whether he can hit the holes effectively in a zone-blocking scheme. If he doesn’t look healthy, then there’s time to look around the league.

The Bucs need to see what Williams can do. There’s not a reason in the world to wait.

THE PESSIMIST: Line Rotation Induces Vomiting

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
Ryan Sims is at the center of it all

Ryan Sims is at the center of it all

THE PESSIMIST is a die-hard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear on occasion at His views surely do not necessily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

So Raheem the Dream put himself out there yesterday telling everyone how third-round pick Roy Miller is showcasing his talents at defensive tackle and is now N0. 3 in the DT rotation behind Chris Hovan and Ryan Sims.

Hovan. Sims. Miller. 

Break out the barf bags. 

THE PESSIMIST didn’t sleep a wink last night. Just when the guy was starting to relax realizing bust-in-waiting Josh Freeman won’t start on opening day.

Hovan was front and center during the Bucs defensive collapse last year. Entering his 10th season, he’s ripe for a permanent falloff in his game that happens to so many defensive tackles at this stage in their careers.  Sapp was on the downside after nine. Exactly why is Hovan better now than what he showed last year?

As for Sims, this dude has been a waste since he entered the league as a first round pick in 2002. He’s a sure-fire bust. The only reason Bucs fans aren’t up in arms at the thought of him starting is because Tampa Bay wasn’t the team foolish enough to have drafted him. THE PESSIMIST dares anyone to make a case why Sims deserves to be a NFL starter — anywhere.

And then there’s Miller. Nice, strong, hard-working kid. Great motor. Third-round pick. Yes, third-round pick.  So not a whole lot can be expected of him in his rookie year. If he doesn’t surpass Sims on the depth chart by opening day, that’ll be an even greater concern.

Maybe the Bucs defensive ends will help make these tackles better? … Uh, oh. There’s more vomit.

No wonder Jim Bates and Raheem The Dream are talking about an assortment of blitz packages and about Quincy Black rushing the quarterback.

At this point, THE PESSIMIST will be satisfied if the Bucs defense isn’t embarrassed on Saturday night.

Dive Into The All New Message Boards

Friday, July 31st, 2015

just-joe-300x265It’s here. The message boards are open for business.

Oh, what fun lies ahead.

Remember, you must register to comment. And Joe’s giving away all kinds of great prizes this month to be drawn at random, including game tickets and jerseys.

Click on Joe or the link above. And yes, if you’re banned from commenting here, then you’ll be banned there, too.

THE PESSIMIST: The Bomb Is Ticking

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

Just when you thought THE PESSIMIST was Baker Acted because Raheem the Dream picked quarterback bust-in-waiting Josh Freeman, THE PESSIMIST has returned! And he is outraged!

This whole mess about the Glazer Boys and their English kickball team is really starting to get THE PESSIMIST angry!.

THE PESSIMIST is into football; not accounting. So the financial aspect of the Bucs doesn’t get THE PESSIMIST all that worked up. And THE PESSIMIST doesn’t hate kickball (like he does golf or the non-basketball association), THE PESSIMIST is just ambivalent about it. Let the socialist countries and third world nations have it. THE PESSIMIST will take the NFL, thank you.

But it’s getting far to obvious for THE PESSIMIST to ignore that this English kickball team the Glazer Boys have is killing THE PESSIMIST’s favorite team, the Bucs. And this angers THE PESSIMIST.

Harry Philip of the UK-based Hermes Sports Partners, THE PESSIMIST assumes to be a financial expert of some sort in England, spoke to the Bleacher Report via, and explained how the river of red ink the Glazer Boys are in with their English kickball team is killing the Bucs.

“On a group basis, the debt to the hedge funds is soaking up the profits from the club playing side,” said Phililp. “That debt is a ticking time bomb that they have to pay off.”

This just irritates THE PESSIMIST to no end. Yes, THE PESSIMIST is a capitalist and is all for making a buck. But an NFL ownership group’s main priority is to win games for its team. The team wins, the team rakes in cash. It’s that simple.

If you want to be distracted with another sports team, good grief there are plenty to purchase in America. We are Americans! Our ancestors came to this country to escape the socialist EU or the other third world nations across the globe. Leave their inferior distractions alone!

We are Americans! We are better than kickball! Memo to the Glazer Boys:  stick to the NFL (or other American teams)! Unload your English kickball team. If you concentrate on the Bucs and the Bucs win, you’ll get your money back.

The Glazer Boys have no business fooling around with the sport of drug lords!

THE PESSIMIST: Harrison Consideration Ridiculous

Saturday, May 30th, 2009

How bout those “young, violent” Buccaneers. Always looking to improve and build for the future, they are. It’s all about seeing what the young guys can do and, as the Glazer Boys told us, building through the draft.

Enter the latest Marvin Harrison-to-Tampa Bay rumor.

You know Harrison. He’s the future first-ballot Hall of Fame wide receiver who turns 37 years old this summer. He hasn’t played well since busting up his knee in 2007. And no NFL team signed him after he asked for his release from the Indianapolis Colts in February.

Given a choice between ancient receivers Harrison and Joey Galloway, the New England Patriots opted for the White Tiger.

And now MSM reports say Harrison is being targeted by the “young, violent” Bucs. Did Raheem The Dream learn nothing from seeing Tim Brown operate at One Buc Place?

If there is any truth to this stupidity, THE PESSIMIST demands a televised drug test of Mark Dominik and Raheem The Dream. Although word is The Dream is being treated for one of those dreaded erections lasting more than four hours (since the NFL Draft), so the urine test might be a challenge during a 30-minute broadcast.

Plexiglass Burress makes more sense for the Bucs. He really does. At least it’s reasonable to assume he can perform at a high level.

Harrison is shot. THE PESSIMIST wants to love Raheem The Dream, so he is praying this is a rumor started by Harrison’s agent.

THE PESSIMIST: Chucky’s Schmooze Tour

Monday, May 18th, 2009
"Hey, man. Everyone will love and want me in my new headset."

"Hey, man. Everyone will love and want me in my new headset."

C’mon, ESPN. You couldn’t do better for NFL fans than adding Chucky for Monday Night Football color analyst. Does anyone think the guy is going to be objective?

Chucky will take politically correct to a new level. Chucky’s not going to rip the Cowboys if they deserve it, or any other team that could have a job opening he covets.

And THE PESSIMIST doesn’t believe for a minute that Chucky wants out of the NFL.

 Hey, the Bills and Pats open the season on Monday Night Football, THE PESSIMIST is pleased to bet $100 that Chucky won’t talk straight about Joey Galloway. Hell, he’ll probably beg the producers not to even ask him about Galloway.

Chucky will use this gig to try and repair his image with players around the NFL and schmooze owners and GMs across the league. It’s a brilliant move for him. There’s not a better forum for him to do it and get paid handsomely. Nice gig, Chucky.

Sure, Chucky is a big name who showed he could hang on TV during his NFL Network stints, but he’s not the guy to come on national television and call it as he sees it. ESPN has to know that. Shouldn’t that be No. 1 on the job description?

Monday Night Football already has a film junkie, ex-quarterback in the booth in Ron Jaworski. The only real value-add there with Gruden would be if he let his true opinions all hang out.

That’s not going to happen.

THE PESSIMIST: Dumb and Dumber

Saturday, April 25th, 2009

How did THE PESSIMIST react to the news that the Bucs drafted this slug Josh Freeman? He screamed so much a moron in the neighborhood — actually stupider than Mark Dominik and Raheem The Bad Dream — called the cops on THE PESSIMIST because people thought he was beating up his wife!

The Bucs football lack of a brain trust is not being run by Mark Dominik. It’s being run by Mark Dumbinik! Let’s reset things, shall we?

First Mark Dumbinik kicks Derrick Brooks to the curb.

Then Mark Dumbinik throws away a second round draft pick on a tight end who has a bad habit of missing games, has a bad knee, and his best-known catch has been a staph infection.

To complicate matters, Mark Dumbinik then signs said tight end to an obscene contract.

And if that wasn’t enough, Mark Dumbinik and Raheem The Bad Dream trade up to get an absolute stiff — TRADE UP!!!

What is wrong with you two clowns? WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO CLOWNS???

All off season, all we heard from Raheem The Bad Dream was how great Luke McCown is, how he never got a chance, how his teammates love him.

Then you breathe heavy as if you saw a clandestine video of Carmella when discussing Josh Johnson, how he’s the greatest thing since Steve Young, he just needs some work.

And you go out and trade up and get a quarterback in the first round????

LIARS!!! Pure and simple, LIARS!

In the past 15 years, of the 11 junior quarterbacks drafted, only two are even close to being successful: Aaron Rodgers (jury still out) and Ben Roethlisberger, a possible Hall of Famer.

The rest were garbage.

In the past couple of decades, here are the quarterbacks drafted in the first round who did not complete 60 percent of their passes their final year of college:

Jim Druckenmiller
Ryan Leaf
Akili Smith
Cade McNown
Michael Vick
Joey Harrington
Patrick Ramsey
Kyle Boller
Rex Grossman
J.P. Losman

Add Bucs bust-in-waiting Josh Freeman to that list. He threw for only 58 percent of his passes last year.

If THE PESSIMIST can figure this out, how come Mark Dumbinik couldn’t figure it out? If THE PESSIMIST can figure this out, how come lying Raheem The Bad Dream couldn’t figure this out?

This is a nightmare come true. A nightmare.

Simply put, THE PESSIMIST will never let this go. NEVER. Mark Dumbinik and Raheem The Bad Dream, you better pray like you’ve never prayed before. Because if the Bucs bust-in-waiting Josh Freeman doesn’t somehow have a divine transformation, you two just killed your careers with this pick.

It’s clear as crystal with this pick that Mark Dumbinik and Raheem The Bad Dream are over their heads in their current positions.

THE PESSIMIST now has to find his bottle of Bushmills and hope this day was just some drunken bad dream.

THE PESSIMIST is sick to his stomach!

THE PESSIMIST: Why Not Dexter Jackson?

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
A hidden field camera took this picture of Dexter Jackson after catching a kickoff

A hidden field camera took this picture of Dexter Jackson after catching a kickoff

No. THE PESSIMIST is not a pie-in-the-sky believer.

Raheem The Dream and Mark Dominik and the rest of the guys in charge of the livin’-on-a -prayer Buccaneers keep wanting fans to have faith in banged up players, unproven players and those who flat out stink.

Give it a rest already. There’s only so much a guy can take.

Yesterday it was the Bucs director of college scouting, Dennis Hickey, coming out and trying to tell everyone Dexter Jackson wasn’t a bust, even after Chucky himself all but admitted as such to the NFL Network.

Do you feel you reached on Dexter Jackson in the second round of last year? Did you have a second-round grade for him?
“We evaluated him and we took him at a position that we felt he deserved. That’s where we took him.”

You don’t think that was a reach?
“That is up for you guys to decide. It is the ultimate second-guess, right? Let me say this, we are excited about Dexter. A lot of guys want to judge everybody based off their first year, and we think Dexter has made a lot of progress and we are excited about him. “

C’mon. It’s bad enough the Bucs want fans to feel excited about Luke McCown, Byron Leftwich, Michael Clayton, Sgt. Winslow, Maurice Stovall, Ryan Sims, Gaines Adams — hell, the entire defensive line and linebacking corps sans Barrett Ruud — Ronde Barber.  Should THE PESSIMIST continue? 

At this rate someone might actually buy a Jerramy Stevens jersey.

Just flat out say you’re rebuilding and end the false hope for the fans. A little reality isn’t too much to ask. It worked for the Rays.

All this spin is maddening. It’s like getting kicked in the scrotum while someone tells you to have a positive attitude.

THE PESSIMIST: Leftwich Was Unwanted Goods

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

Funny how the Bucs best quarterbacks are considered second-rate goods

How about that Bucs fan club with a growing membership.

To qualify, you must be an aging quarterback who couldn’t start for any other team. Immobile? No problem. Injury prone? You’re in. Just plain horrendous on film? No worries.

Meet the newest member: Byron Leftwich. He replaces Jeff Garcia and will battle with fellow pocket statue and club president Brian Griese.

Yes, Luke McCown is in the club. But he’ll need to tear his ACL again and add to his 1-6 career record as a starter to be considered for an executive position.

Welcome to the state of the Bucs quarterbacks. 

THE PESSIMIST remembers going to school and getting percentile grades on standardized tests. You know, 90th percentile is great, 70th percentile is decent, and 20th percentile means you’re a blockhead moron.  

The Bucs QB corps is definitely in the 10th percentile of the NFL. You’re a liar if you say otherwise. … Though perhaps it’s not quite that bad, especially when you compare it to, say, the Bucs’ defensive line.

THE PESSIMIST just can’t let go of the fact that no other team in the NFL wanted Byron Leftwich to compete for its starting QB job. NONE. Not even the 0-16 Lions or the Jets with their trifecta of stiffs.

Leftwich: “Hey agent, put it out there that I want to go where I can compete for a starting job. Tell them I’ve got a Super Bowl ring, experience and I’m healthy as horse.”

Agent: “Only the Bucs called to say you could compete. That’s it. It’s April. I think we should call them back.”

Of course, Leftwich and his agent fell in love with Tampa Bay and sported a boner at the thought of coming here and competing for the starting job, he told the St. Pete Times. What other options did he have?

“I was told from day one they want me to come in and compete and that’s the only way you want it,” Leftwich told the Times. “You don’t want anything given to you. Once you have an opportunity to compete, I can live with any scenario at that point. It’s all I can ask for. You want to go out there and know you’ve earned it.

THE PESSIMIST isn’t one for hope and prayer when it comes to the success of a quarterback. That mindset is better kept in church and in the White House.

THE PESSIMIST just wants to see the Bucs trot out a QB who impresses somebody not on Bucs’ the coaching staff. As a fan, that’s not too much to ask.

THE PESSIMIST: Only Fools Are Down On Cutler

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009
Jay Cutler is practically Superman yet some Bucs fans cant see it, writes THE PESSIMIST.

Jay Cutler is practically Superman yet inexplicably some Bucs fans can't see it, writes THE PESSIMIST.

Bucs fans finding fault with a 25-year-old Pro Bowl quaterback who has all the necessary tools to be a champion is like turning away Carmella Garcia because she didn’t shave her legs.

All together now, RIDICULOUS.

Those nitpicking Jay Cutler should be ashamed. How does one become so clueless?

THE PESSIMIST has resurfaced in disbelief that there are Bucs fans who would rather start Luke McCown under center and keep our draft picks, versus giving up a first, second (in 2010) and possibly a third round pick for Cutler. In case you’ve been vacationing on Mars, Cutler is the 25-year-old Pro Bowl stud QB in question.

McCown is an athletic, nice kid with little experience. If he was a good starter in 2009, it would be a nice little story. It might even help Chucky’s legacy. But if McCown was among the bottom two of NFC quarterbacks, absolutely nobody would be surprised. Nobody.

Cutler on the other hand would put on the Bucs jersey and instantly make them playoff contenders, crappy defense or not. And bring an exciting offense to Tampa that has NEVER been here before.

Cutler is a first round pick (2006). So THE PESSIMIST sees no problem giving up one to get him, as well as a No. 2 and No. 3, if that’s what it takes for a young Pro Bowl QB.

Crap, the Bucs traded two first round picks, two second rounders and $8 million for Chucky. And THE PESSIMIST would say now and forever that it was a good move.

We’re talking quarterback here. The most important position on the field.

Cutler’s also is a proven commodity who has battled through Diabetes, and the extreme pressure of playing quarterback in Denver in the post-Elway era. His numbers are nothing less than fantastic.

The Bucs could search another 30 years to land a QB as good as Cutler and still fail to get one. 

Now THE PESSIMIST loves Joe. But to compare Cutler to Jeff George is apples and oranges. George came into a crappy Indianapolis team and didn’t make them better, and threw a ton of interceptions along the way. Cutler has performed in his three seasons. Period.

So Cutler hasn’t handled the Broncos coaching change and the organization-wide poor communication going on in Denver lately (which has been acknowledged by nearly everyone associated with the team.) Big freakin’ deal. He’s 25.

So he wants out. The guy is hardly a cancer.

Google Cutler and search real hard and you’ll find this story of the guy’s generosity to charities. The kind of giving without him looking for any media coverage of the altruism.

But all that really should  matter is that he’s a great quarterback. And the Bucs desperately need one.

 You get what you pay for.

THE PESSIMIST: Where’s The Focus Group Now?

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009

Glazer cares about fans as often as THE PESSMIST services Pam Anderson

Screw Bill O’Reilly. The spin stops with THE PESSIMIST.

Having time to reflect and vomit repeatedly after the needless, foolish cutting of Derrick Brooks, THE PESSIMIST now wonders how the Glazers infamous focus group of fans felt about the decision.

You remember, those are the diehards the Glazer Boys consulted before they fired Chucky. Gosh, those Glazers cared so deeply about the pulse of the fans they sought average-Joe input on the fate of the head coach.

Surely, the Glazer Boys consulted these same fans before cutting the face of the franchise, Derrick Brooks.

In case you don’t get it by now, these fans don’t exist, unless you count the handful of the Glazers Boys’ friends, relatives, Yes men and servants.

THE PESSIMIST: What The Hell Is Going On?

Friday, February 27th, 2009

THE PESSIMIST can hear Vince Lombardi screaming right now, from those classic NFL Films, throwing his rolled up playbook to the ground.

THE PESSIMIST wants to start cursing and throwing things right now. Right at Mark Dominik. But THE PESSIMIST  can’t. He’s at work and would get fired for such a stunt in a professional environment.

Good grief, THE PESSIMIST just can’t believe what is going on! First Dominik runs out the classiest act in the NFL (two actually) and a few hours later trades — willingly! — draft picks to get this mental midget jerk Kellen Winslow, Jr., like the Bucs don’t already have enough terribly underperforming spawns of Hall of Fame players.

Winslow… really Dominik??? What, you are trying to upgrade the character of the Bucs by (potentially) replacing a five-star a-hole (no, not Alex Rodriguez) like the King of Turds for a four-star a-hole??? The guy who thinks he’s some dime store Green Beret, cheap shot artist and mentally challenged six-year old kid all rolled into one?

Why do you think Eric (Not So Much Of A) Mangenius wanted no part of this walking injury report? Let’s take a peak at this moron’s brief football career:

When at the (eff) U, Winslow freaks out after a game, telling one and all he’s some sort of Audie Murphy in cleats, screaming to one and all how he’s “a solider!” and that football is “war!”

Meanwhile, real men fighting a real war protecting our freedom are being shot and killed by those animals that fly planes into buildings and behead people.

Yeah, some solider you are Winslow!

Then there’s the time when Sgt. Winslow was drafted by the Browns, he decided to reach out to his inner child (not much of a stretch), buy a crotch rocket and blow out a knee popping wheelies in a parking lot.

Then, two years ago on national television playing the Steelers on NFL Network, Sgt. Winslow has one of the all-time late hit of late hits on Steelers linebacker James Farrior. It was so terrible, players were walking to their huddles. It was so out of hand, Chris Collingsworth belted out to Sgt. Winslow, “Yeah, I know you’re supposed to a solider and everything but you have got to use your head!”

Sorry Chris. That’s hard for Sgt. Winslow to do since he had no head to use.

And now the Bucs have this jerk. Nice, real nice.

MEMO TO THE GLAZER BOYS: Will you please tell your employees they are not to, under any additional circumstances, trade for any more failed sons of Hall of Famers. Please!

What the hell is happening to our Bucs? THE PESSIMIST demands an explanation and there better not be one freaking reference to “The Plan.”

THE PESSIMIST: Time To Trade Whiney Bryant

Friday, February 20th, 2009

THE PESSIMIST says Antonio Bryant's me-first attitude should have the Bucs thinking trade

Antonio Bryant is already unhappy and his new Lotto ticket hasn’t even cleared the bank.

What a piece of work.

The Bucs gave Bryant a chance to return to the NFL last year. He delivered. Then on Wednesday they gave him a nearly $10 million windfall in the form of the franchise tag for 2009. Now Bryant wants financial “security” in the form of a long term deal, he told the Tampa Tribune. And his agent gave the St. Pete Times an earful about Bryant’s disappointment.

The dude needs to shut his mouth.

Bryant should be grateful he landed on a team so devoid of receiving talent it had to franchise an unstable personality who hasn’t made a Pro Bowl. Joe has already guided you to read between the lines of Doug Williams’ comments, which reveal Bryant is a head case in need of a good shrink, even in good times.

The Bucs don’t really need Bryant. They just need talent under 37 years old at wide receiver.

Face it, Bryant doesn’t get the franchise tag if Michael Clayton could catch the damn ball and if Chucky had stopped punishing Joey Galloway last year long enough to get the old guy 50+ catches.

The Bucs tagged Bryant out of desperation. That’s no way to operate.

Would anybody bet Bryant is all smiles for Jeff Jagodzinski or the Bucs new starting quarterback? Is he really a lock to get along with two new coaches in a row under the pressure of another contract year? THE PESSIMIST surely wouldn’t lay money on either.

Bryant was flapping his arms and whining on the field last year when he didn’t get the ball. And that was all happening with a coach who loved him dearly in the middle of what likely was a career year. 

Anquan Boldin can be had. The Cardinals can’t realistically afford him and Larry Fitzgerald and free agent Kurt Warner. Boldin’s done it longer and better than Bryant, and he’s a Florida guy who wants out. His agent is even on the record saying he wants to play in Florida.

The Bucs should find a way to acquire Boldin, trade Bryant and pick up a free agent receiver whose name doesn’t end with Clayton.

THE PESSIMIST: Stop The Comparisons!

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
Aside from the unadulterated garbage sports radio melds into annually in the hours after the Super Bowl, Joe is also sick of people making pointed comparisons between Raheem the dream and Mike Tomlin.

Aside from the unadulterated garbage sports radio melds into annually in the hours after the Super Bowl, Joe is also sick of people making pointed comparisons between Raheem the Dream and Mike Tomlin.

Joe is on fire this morning because, as expected, the vast majority of sports radio is now trying to cram that unmitigated sewage known as the non-basketball association down Joe’s throat and he just wants to strangle any number of sports radio executives.

Joe doesn’t give a damn about “ko-BEE” or “LUH-bron” any more than he cares about five-year old Johnny or Susie playing kickball in some misused plot of grass that Joe has paid for with his hard-earned tax dollars.


Where the hell is the FCC when you need it?

There’s a reason why “The Big Dog,” Steve Duemig, gets great ratings. You will never hear NBA talk (much less Yankees/Red Sox talk) on his show unless it’s in vane which makes his show an oasis for sports fans’ ears.

(“Hell-oh, McFly!”)

And people actually wonder why Joe only watches BSPN for live games or College Gameday and subscribes to satellite radio? Imagine!

There’s another thing that’s really bothering Joe of late: Will people quit comparing Raheem the Dream to Mike Tomlin? Please!

Joe Henderson of the Tampa Tribune has (another) article discussing the comparisons between the Bucs new head coach and the Steelers’ Super Bowl-winning coach.

Rooney’s instinct on Tomlin was obviously correct – he stands as the youngest person to coach a Super Bowl champion following Sunday night’s exhilarating 27-23 victory over Arizona. At age 36, with the core of his team intact, it’s not hard to see Tomlin standing on more platforms like the one he did late Sunday.

It’s not fair to place those same expectations on Morris yet because the situations are different. The Bucs have serious roster issues that need to be addressed and there is no one on the roster like quarterback Ben Roethlisberger; nor do the Bucs possess a defense like the one in Pittsburgh.

Best as Joe can tell, there are only three valid comparisons between the two:

Both were former Bucs defensive backs coaches.

Both have yet to hit the depressing Big 4-0.

Both have the same color skin.

As Henderson points out, to compare the two is unfair to both, in particular to The Dream.

Tomlin walked into the perfect circumstance with the Steelers. He took over a team one year removed from winning a Super Bowl loaded with stud players. Tomlin also works for not only the most classy organization in the NFL, but maybe all of sports.

Additionally, the Steelers front office annually fields, drafts and selects players that results in a competitive (if not playoff) team. Pittsburgh is really a dream job for any coach.

The Dream takes over a team that may very well be on the decline if not in a rebuilding mode. Joe can’t remember the last time the Steelers were in a rebuilding mode.

When Joe spoke with Tomlin at Media Day last week, while he put his best face on, you could even tell Tomlin not only was tiring of the comparisons between him and The Dream, you could also sense in his words that the comparisons were unfair to The Dream.

Joe hasn’t read too many comparisons between Josh McDaniels and Charlie Weis. Like Tomlin and The Dream, both McDaniels and Weis held the same position at different times for the same organization and the same head coach. And both have roughly the same skin pigment.

Like Tomlin and The Dream, the comparisons (should) stop there.

The Dream is his own man. Knock off the comparisons to Tomlin. It’s not fair to The Dream.

If the Bucs win the Super Bowl in February 2011, then the comparisons to Tomlin are valid.


THE PESSIMIST: Media Bites On Glazer BS

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
Bryan Glazer claims fans helped fire Chucky. THE PESSIMIST doubts any of these fans recommended Raheem The Dream.

Bryan Glazer claims fans helped fire Chucky. THE PESSIMIST doubts any of these fans recommended Raheem The Dream.

So Bryan Glazer strolls into the Super Bowl media center Monday and spews crap about how the Glazer clan consulted fans as part of the decision-making process to fire Chucky.

Ha. Ha. Ha. What a joke. And the media hounds at the local newspapers lapped it up like a bunch of naive hacks.

Are we supposed to believe this drivel from Glazer, as if they really cared about the fans’ perspective? Of course, Glazer offered absolutely nothing tangible to back up his claim, only some Bruce Allenesque spin. 

The St. Pete Times ate it up, screaming a ridiculous headline as if it were fact, “Glazers Took Pulse Of The Fans Before Firings.”

Asked further about the community feedback, Glazer said, “Our fans are our stockholders. They’re what we play for — the people in our stadium and the ones that watch on TV. That’s what it’s all about: winning and how they feel about the team. If they don’t feel good about the team, then there’s something wrong. . . I think you all know the sense that’s out there. It was time for a change.”

Crap, if you’re the Glazers, and you really want to consult fans, you pay a survey firm $10,000 to get some real data.

But no, not these Glazers. Why mess with a true cross-section of the community when you can consult your high-class hookers, cousin Esther and limo drivers. Oh, and don’t forget the guy who cleans the pool. He’s such a nice kid.

Now if we believe these Glazers, men of the people, surely they would have asked these same fans who they wanted as the new head coach. That would be critical information and a logical follow-up question.

THE PESSIMIST is quite sure nobody voted for Raheem The Dream. Funny how the Glazers didn’t take the “pulse of the fans” on that one.

THE PESSIMIST: Enough With McCown Already

Monday, January 26th, 2009
Luke lovers need to snap out of it, writes THE PESSIMIST.

Luke lovers need to snap out of it, writes THE PESSIMIST.

The beer gut geniuses seem to have it all figured out. Re-sign and start Luke McCown, they say with a straight face.

Yeah, like he’s the answer at quarterback in a divsion with Matt Ryan, Drew Brees and Jake DelHomme. And how the hell do you have a strong opinion on a quarterback when there’s no offensive coordinator in place?

THE PESSIMIST ran into another Luke lover yesterday at Publix (they’re everywhere). He was the typical guy who just can’t think of another quarterback who could possibly start for the Bucs.

The dude gave the same pro-Luke logic. “Son of Bob sucks and Garcia isn’t the answer.”

Nobody seems to care McCown was a fourth-round pick rejected by Cleveland and rejected by Chucky. Sure, McCown showed some flashes in ’07, when he went 1-2 in starts against teams with losing records. But the guy made some bad decisions in those games. 

There’s really know reason to think he’s going to jump out of the shadows at 28 years old and lead the Bucs to a winning record. The guy can’t even chop wood.

The real answer for the Bucs is to make a major move to solidify the quarterback position. We’re talking big trade or moving up in the draft, as the free agent pool is pretty bare.

If The Dream and his new offensive guru don’t like any of the options out there, then sign Jeff Garcia and McCown for one more season, let them battle it out, and make another go at a big-name or blue-chip quarterback in 2010.

Would anyone bet the Bucs finish 9-7 or better with McCown under center next year? Didn’t think so.

THE PESSIMIST: Morris Better Finish 9-7 In ’09

Friday, January 23rd, 2009
"Hey, everybody forgets we finished 9-7. That's right, 9-7 two years in a row, even with lots and lots of injuries. Did I say injuries twice?"

"Hey, everybody forgets we finished 9-7. That's right, 9-7 two years in a row, even with lots and lots of injuries. ...Did I mention injuries?"

Well, well, well, we’re all going to find out this year whether Raheem Morris can finish 9-7 with Chucky’s players.

Hey, Chucky did it two years in a row.

Fans better be expecting at least that much from Morris. He’s got to be held to a standard.

And if he’s going to “Stay the Course” and just do some fine tuning and inject chest bumps and rah-rah crap with a few new free agents, then he better go 9-7 or better.

Raheem the Dream deserves no slack. The only rope he’ll get from THE PESSIMIST is if he and Mark Dominik find a hefty set of balls and start Luke McCown or a draft a quarterback in the first round and throw him into the fire. But if they go with Garcia, or some other veteran, then why shouldn’t they finish 9-7?

Yeah, the Bucs needed a new direction. But that direction needs to jack the team up, not down.

This isn’t Tony Dungy taking over the Yuks in the ’90s. This is a 9-7 team with a fair share of young players.

THE PESSIMIST: Crybaby Clayton All But Seals Exit

Monday, December 29th, 2008
THE PESSIMIST has found a rare photo of Michael Clayton in possession of the football. This image happens slightly more often than an appearance of the Comet Kohoutek.

THE PESSIMIST has found a rare photo of Michael Clayton in possession of the football. This image happens slightly more often than an appearance of the Comet Kohoutek.

Much was made of wide receiver Michael Clayton’s first touchdown reception of 2008 yesterday — first of the season… in the last game of the season. But THE PESSIMIST was beyond shocked to learn, thanks to Stephen Holder of the St. Petersburg Times, the touchdown was only Clayton’s second touchdown in four seasons.

For catching one touchdown pass this season, Hands of Stone Clayton pocketed a cool figure of $2,055,280 if the USA Today NFL player salary datebase is to be trusted.

Of course, Clayton continued his whining that he began last week about not being utilized properly.

“I’ve never doubted my ability to get in the end zone. I’ve always been a guy to play my hardest, and I try to take advantage of that opportunity. Today, I was given that opportunity.”

Hey Mike, how was that “opportunity” you had to convert a critical fourth down play from the Raiders-33 midway through the fourth quarter? You know, the one where you had both hands on the ball? Oh, that’s right, you dropped it! I guess it’s a good thing you have selective amnesia, huh?

THE PESSIMIST agrees with Joe: One can find all sorts of bouncers and truck drivers who can block and run good routes. But a wide receiver also has to be able catch the ball once in a blue moon.

THE PESSIMIST has noticed that Ike Hilliard doesn’t get a whole lot of opportunities yet he’s able to haul the damned ball in. Antonio Bryant missed a year of football and started the season as a reserve yet he was able to catch the damned ball.

THE PESSIMIST was a big supporter of Clayton when he was drafted by the Bucs when 99 percent of Bucs fans were screaming bloody murder. Sadly, his detractors were quickly proven to be correct.

Don’t let the door at One Buc Palace hit you in the rear end on your way out, Clayton. Unless, of course, you play for the league minimum. Guys who average two touchdowns every four years shouldn’t be pulling in seven figures a year.

Players who pull millions to catch two touchdowns in four years generally move on to pulling money away from senile senior citizens in aluminum siding telemarketing scams.

THE PESSIMIST: Stop The Kiffin Blame Game!

Monday, December 29th, 2008
The Pessimist has had it with people blaming Monte Kiffin for the Bucs December tank job.

THE PESSIMIST has had it with people blaming Monte Kiffin for the Bucs December tank job.

THE PESSIMIST has had his morning coffee. Combined with Chucky’s month-long tank job, THE PESSIMIST is ready to rock.

Fasten your seatbelts.

The next time THE PESSIMIST hears some parrot walk up to him squawking about how the defense quit because the defensive coordinator (Kiffin) quit, THE PESSIMIST is going to take a baseball bat to him.

Or lock him in a closet and force him to listen to a non-stop loop of those overaged, unemployed yenta chicken wing waitresses that pollute the local airwaves. Shame on Les Moonves!

To those who regurgitate this nonsense about how the defense laid down because Monte Kiffin left for Tennessee need to clam up because each time they open their mouths they prove their ignorance of football, or are too lazy to do the simplest research that even a moron like the former self-admitted steroid abuser could do.

If this premise is to be believed, that Kiffin is the root cause of the defense falling apart in December, then someone, anyone, feel free to explain to THE PESSIMIST why the defense coughed up 384 yards to the putrid Chiefs the first week of November? The Chiefs!

Or explain how about the vaunted Bucs defense spotted the NFL record-setting, historic worst team, the Lions, 10 points in the first quarter? The Lions of all teams! Detroit’s rookie running back Kevin Smith had 86 yards rushing in a game where the Kittens had to pass to catch up in the second half.

Sound familiar?

What, did Lions offensive coordinator Jim Colletto suddenly go from abject moron to Bill Walsh? Colletto is such a miserable offensive mind — keyword: offensive — that he had one of the worst offenses in recent Big Ten history when he coached Purdue. Can you imagine?

Yet so many empty heads throughout the country much less locally are jumping up and down that Kiffin has Pearl Harbored the Bucs.


So the Bucs losing their starting defensive tackles against Carolina, replaced by a couple of Chiefs castoffs (repeat that phrase a couple of times for it to sink in) had nothing to do with the defensive collapse? So Derrick Brooks playing with more injuries than THE PESSIMIST can count on one hand had nothing to do with the defensive collapse? So starting safety Jermaine Phillips being lost for the season with a broken arm had nothing to do with the defensive collapse? So (over the hill?) Ronde Barber getting burned more than microwave popcorn wasn’t a problem?


So then explain to THE PESSIMIST, anyone, how the Bucs defense had solid outings after Joe reported in mid-October Kiffin was sniffing around for a possible college job? Anyone? Bueller?

The next time someone tells THE PESSIMIST to his face that Kiffin is the reason the Bucs aren’t in the playoffs, you may read about THE PESSIMIST in tomorrow morning’s 19th-Century version of news delivery.

Then again, maybe the fishwraps are no longer in the business of reporting (alleged) assaults?