Archive for the ‘THE PESSIMIST’ Category

THE PESSIMIST: No More Do-Overs

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

 

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

 

The last time THE PESSIMIST felt the need to write he screamed, “Fire Jim Bates! ” Feel free to read about it.

One month later, Raheem The Dream finally wised up and pulled the trigger. Good job, Rah.

But the praise stops there. THE PESSIMIST has this ugly feeling (similar to Joe’s Rosie O’Donnell reference earlier) that Raheem The Dream and Mark Dominik are serial rebuilders.

These guys have torn down the team not once, but TWICE in a matter of weeks. That’s got to be an NFL record for incompetence.

First it was kicking the veterans to the curb, then their handpicked well paid offensive coordinator, Jeff Jagodzinski. And now it’s their handpicked, well paid defensive coordinator, Jim Bates.

Funny. The one part of this team the Glazer Boys didn’t do on the cheap this year is hire assistant coaches; Jagodzinski, Jim Bates, and Joe Barry were surely paid the going rate for their experience. And now Rah and Dominik have sent them packing.

THE PESSIMIST suspects the Glazers will never spend money like that again.

THE PESSIMIST also is here to tell Raheem The Dream and Dominik that they’re out of mulligans. There are no more do-overs. This is your freaking team. Your heinous stink is all over it.

Entering the 2010 offseason, the easy, cheap and keep-their-jobs way out is for these guys to keep making the Bucs younger. That’ll be the built in excuse.

Don’t be surprised to see the Bucs’ geniuses go offense in the first round of the draft to keep Josh Freeman progressing, which will help save their jobs and buy time —  maybe trade down for a young receiver to replace Antonio Bryant, and another in the second round plus a running back there, too.

For Raheem The Dream, now it’s all about constantly rebuilding. That’s the only thing we know he’s good at.

THE PESSIMIST: Jim Bates Must Go!

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

THE PESSIMIST has had a few Caybrews and after watching this loss he has HAD IT with Jim Bates, the alleged defensive coordinator of the Bucs.

THE PESSIMIST is absolutely sick of this guy. He whines that he doesn’t have the players to run his defense and this is why the Bucs suck. Hey, clown, you don’t decide what the defense is. You mold your defense around the talent you have, not the other way around. Even a two-bit high school coach understands this. 

THE PESSIMIST now knows why you got run out of Denver two years ago.

Don’t give THE PESSIMIST this nonsense about fatigue. Raheem the Dream even said that both teams were out there for a full 60 minutes. If your players were so tired in the fourth quarter, why the hell didn’t you do more rotating or substitutions?

What a pathetic display in the end by YOUR defense. Your defense! How does it feel to get the ball run down your throat for 80 yards for the winning score. How does that taste? Think about that: 80 yards! Somewhere in Tallahassee, Mickey Andrews is laughing his ass off.

Absolutely gutless by your defense. Your swiss cheese, can’t stop the wind defense.

THE PESSIMIST knows of a couple of gaps where you can shove your defense.

Don’t give THE PESSIMIST this crap about your defense forced turnovers form Jake Delhomme. Who the hell hasn’t? The guy’s defense gives more away than Obamacare!

How about that two-gap system? Why don’t you take your two-gap system and hop on the next plane out of TIA. One-way.

On second thought, please stay until the season is over with. With your coaching, the Bucs will surely lose every game. The Bucs are in a fight with the Rams for the first overall pick in the draft.

AS soon as the season is over with, please find some high school that could use you. Bucs fans, and particularly THE PESSIMIST, have seen and had enough of your crap defense.

THE PESSIMIST: Stuff A Sock In It, Rah

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

raheem-morris

A rare photograph of Raheem Morris with his mouth closed

It’s time for Raheem The Dream to learn that the more he talks the more likely he is to say something stupid.

Simple numbers game. You talk on and on and address every single question, you’re going to get burned. Yo, Rah, it’s OK to mix in a “no comment” or a three-word answer once in a while.

THE PESSIMIST has been thinking this for a while but Raheem The Dream’s recent comments about quarterback Josh Johnson put THE PESSIMIST over the edge.

Rah, you just told the media that your 23-year-old QB is a “career backup.” You might have just as well had Aqib Talib club the guy in the balls with his helmet. Same effect.

1) Nice job taking a whack at Johnson’s confidence. He’s never going to forget it. Especially right after he was riding a high after making the team and getting the No. 2 spot on Sunday.

2) What happened to only the “best players” take the field for Raheem Morris? You said that all preseason, Rah.

3) You’d have no respect for Johnson if he wasn’t thinking that you were a jerkoff right now. After all, you just told 100,000 school kids in Pinellas and Hillsborough county that they shouldn’t pay any attention to their doubters.

Raheem The Dream is running his mouth so damn much he’s running out of things to say and embarrassing himself a couple of times a week.

Just dial it back, coach. Less is more.

Learn the lesson now, Rah. It’ll be well worth it when your team is 4-9 and you really don’t want to talk anymore.

THE PESSIMIST: Shame On Raheem

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Raheem Morris forgot about the thousands of fans sitting in Raymond James Stadium, and the tens of thousands watching at home.

Never forget the fans, Rah. You won’t score any points that way.

With just under two minutes left and the Texans taking over on downs on their own 4 yard line, the Bucs decided not to use any of their three timeouts to stop the clock and possibly get the ball back to win the game.

Raheem The Dream quit. No excuse.

What’s wrong Rah? Where’s your attention to detail?

He can’t say he didn’t want to get anyone hurt, when most of the guys on the field will be applying for bouncer gigs next week.

He hung the fans. THE PESSIMIST is booing him loudly.

THE PESSIMIST: Caddy Precaution Ridiculous

Saturday, August 15th, 2009

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

In the real world, one is usually cautious with things of value.

For example, if your devoted girlfriend is a smoking hot college gymnast, then you don’t share with her how hot you think her teammates are, plus you remove the Rachel Watson posters from your bedroom.

Another example, if you have a gorgeous blonde boss at the office, then you don’t answer honestly at your annual review when she asks, “Is there anything I can do better to improve your workdays?”

These are basic life tenets. If something is valuable, like a job or a relationship, then you are careful not to screw it up.

That brings THE PESSIMIST to Raheem The Dream’s decision to bench Cadillac Williams for the first two preseason games.

In The Dream’s words, “I’m not going to be stupid. I’ll wait until the third preseason game to play him.” 

Sorry, Coach. You are being stupid. Who are you Joe Maddon? Is Caddy on some sort of can’t-take-a-hit count? For what exactly are your saving Cadillac?

Cadillac has no value. None. He’s damaged goods in the NFL. You couldn’t trade him for Bruce Gradkowski, and you can’t count on him for anything.

With this logic, wouldn’t you sit Earnest Graham tonight? Graham’s coming off an injury and has never played a full season. And surely he’s far more valuable than Cadillac.

Getting Cadillac significant carries in the first couple of preseason games should be the first step to seeing if he belongs.

Raheem The Dream himself says Caddy is completely healthy. If Caddy lights it up, then instantly he has some trade value and the Bucs know he’s truly ready. Maybe they even figure out whether he can hit the holes effectively in a zone-blocking scheme. If he doesn’t look healthy, then there’s time to look around the league.

The Bucs need to see what Williams can do. There’s not a reason in the world to wait.

THE PESSIMIST: Line Rotation Induces Vomiting

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
Ryan Sims is at the center of it all

Ryan Sims is at the center of it all

THE PESSIMIST is a die-hard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear on occasion at JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

So Raheem the Dream put himself out there yesterday telling everyone how third-round pick Roy Miller is showcasing his talents at defensive tackle and is now N0. 3 in the DT rotation behind Chris Hovan and Ryan Sims.

Hovan. Sims. Miller. 

Break out the barf bags. 

THE PESSIMIST didn’t sleep a wink last night. Just when the guy was starting to relax realizing bust-in-waiting Josh Freeman won’t start on opening day.

Hovan was front and center during the Bucs defensive collapse last year. Entering his 10th season, he’s ripe for a permanent falloff in his game that happens to so many defensive tackles at this stage in their careers.  Sapp was on the downside after nine. Exactly why is Hovan better now than what he showed last year?

As for Sims, this dude has been a waste since he entered the league as a first round pick in 2002. He’s a sure-fire bust. The only reason Bucs fans aren’t up in arms at the thought of him starting is because Tampa Bay wasn’t the team foolish enough to have drafted him. THE PESSIMIST dares anyone to make a case why Sims deserves to be a NFL starter — anywhere.

And then there’s Miller. Nice, strong, hard-working kid. Great motor. Third-round pick. Yes, third-round pick.  So not a whole lot can be expected of him in his rookie year. If he doesn’t surpass Sims on the depth chart by opening day, that’ll be an even greater concern.

Maybe the Bucs defensive ends will help make these tackles better? … Uh, oh. There’s more vomit.

No wonder Jim Bates and Raheem The Dream are talking about an assortment of blitz packages and about Quincy Black rushing the quarterback.

At this point, THE PESSIMIST will be satisfied if the Bucs defense isn’t embarrassed on Saturday night.

THE PESSIMIST: The Bomb Is Ticking

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

Just when you thought THE PESSIMIST was Baker Acted because Raheem the Dream picked quarterback bust-in-waiting Josh Freeman, THE PESSIMIST has returned! And he is outraged!

This whole mess about the Glazer Boys and their English kickball team is really starting to get THE PESSIMIST angry!.

THE PESSIMIST is into football; not accounting. So the financial aspect of the Bucs doesn’t get THE PESSIMIST all that worked up. And THE PESSIMIST doesn’t hate kickball (like he does golf or the non-basketball association), THE PESSIMIST is just ambivalent about it. Let the socialist countries and third world nations have it. THE PESSIMIST will take the NFL, thank you.

But it’s getting far to obvious for THE PESSIMIST to ignore that this English kickball team the Glazer Boys have is killing THE PESSIMIST’s favorite team, the Bucs. And this angers THE PESSIMIST.

Harry Philip of the UK-based Hermes Sports Partners, THE PESSIMIST assumes to be a financial expert of some sort in England, spoke to the Bleacher Report via CBSSports.com, and explained how the river of red ink the Glazer Boys are in with their English kickball team is killing the Bucs.

“On a group basis, the debt to the hedge funds is soaking up the profits from the club playing side,” said Phililp. “That debt is a ticking time bomb that they have to pay off.”

This just irritates THE PESSIMIST to no end. Yes, THE PESSIMIST is a capitalist and is all for making a buck. But an NFL ownership group’s main priority is to win games for its team. The team wins, the team rakes in cash. It’s that simple.

If you want to be distracted with another sports team, good grief there are plenty to purchase in America. We are Americans! Our ancestors came to this country to escape the socialist EU or the other third world nations across the globe. Leave their inferior distractions alone!

We are Americans! We are better than kickball! Memo to the Glazer Boys:  stick to the NFL (or other American teams)! Unload your English kickball team. If you concentrate on the Bucs and the Bucs win, you’ll get your money back.

The Glazer Boys have no business fooling around with the sport of drug lords!

THE PESSIMIST: Harrison Consideration Ridiculous

Saturday, May 30th, 2009

How bout those “young, violent” Buccaneers. Always looking to improve and build for the future, they are. It’s all about seeing what the young guys can do and, as the Glazer Boys told us, building through the draft.

Enter the latest Marvin Harrison-to-Tampa Bay rumor.

You know Harrison. He’s the future first-ballot Hall of Fame wide receiver who turns 37 years old this summer. He hasn’t played well since busting up his knee in 2007. And no NFL team signed him after he asked for his release from the Indianapolis Colts in February.

Given a choice between ancient receivers Harrison and Joey Galloway, the New England Patriots opted for the White Tiger.

And now MSM reports say Harrison is being targeted by the “young, violent” Bucs. Did Raheem The Dream learn nothing from seeing Tim Brown operate at One Buc Place?

If there is any truth to this stupidity, THE PESSIMIST demands a televised drug test of Mark Dominik and Raheem The Dream. Although word is The Dream is being treated for one of those dreaded erections lasting more than four hours (since the NFL Draft), so the urine test might be a challenge during a 30-minute broadcast.

Plexiglass Burress makes more sense for the Bucs. He really does. At least it’s reasonable to assume he can perform at a high level.

Harrison is shot. THE PESSIMIST wants to love Raheem The Dream, so he is praying this is a rumor started by Harrison’s agent.

THE PESSIMIST: Chucky’s Schmooze Tour

Monday, May 18th, 2009
"Hey, man. Everyone will love and want me in my new headset."

"Hey, man. Everyone will love and want me in my new headset."

C’mon, ESPN. You couldn’t do better for NFL fans than adding Chucky for Monday Night Football color analyst. Does anyone think the guy is going to be objective?

Chucky will take politically correct to a new level. Chucky’s not going to rip the Cowboys if they deserve it, or any other team that could have a job opening he covets.

And THE PESSIMIST doesn’t believe for a minute that Chucky wants out of the NFL.

 Hey, the Bills and Pats open the season on Monday Night Football, THE PESSIMIST is pleased to bet $100 that Chucky won’t talk straight about Joey Galloway. Hell, he’ll probably beg the producers not to even ask him about Galloway.

Chucky will use this gig to try and repair his image with players around the NFL and schmooze owners and GMs across the league. It’s a brilliant move for him. There’s not a better forum for him to do it and get paid handsomely. Nice gig, Chucky.

Sure, Chucky is a big name who showed he could hang on TV during his NFL Network stints, but he’s not the guy to come on national television and call it as he sees it. ESPN has to know that. Shouldn’t that be No. 1 on the job description?

Monday Night Football already has a film junkie, ex-quarterback in the booth in Ron Jaworski. The only real value-add there with Gruden would be if he let his true opinions all hang out.

That’s not going to happen.

THE PESSIMIST: Dumb and Dumber

Saturday, April 25th, 2009

How did THE PESSIMIST react to the news that the Bucs drafted this slug Josh Freeman? He screamed so much a moron in the neighborhood — actually stupider than Mark Dominik and Raheem The Bad Dream — called the cops on THE PESSIMIST because people thought he was beating up his wife!

The Bucs football lack of a brain trust is not being run by Mark Dominik. It’s being run by Mark Dumbinik! Let’s reset things, shall we?

First Mark Dumbinik kicks Derrick Brooks to the curb.

Then Mark Dumbinik throws away a second round draft pick on a tight end who has a bad habit of missing games, has a bad knee, and his best-known catch has been a staph infection.

To complicate matters, Mark Dumbinik then signs said tight end to an obscene contract.

And if that wasn’t enough, Mark Dumbinik and Raheem The Bad Dream trade up to get an absolute stiff — TRADE UP!!!

What is wrong with you two clowns? WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO CLOWNS???

All off season, all we heard from Raheem The Bad Dream was how great Luke McCown is, how he never got a chance, how his teammates love him.

Then you breathe heavy as if you saw a clandestine video of Carmella when discussing Josh Johnson, how he’s the greatest thing since Steve Young, he just needs some work.

And you go out and trade up and get a quarterback in the first round????

LIARS!!! Pure and simple, LIARS!

In the past 15 years, of the 11 junior quarterbacks drafted, only two are even close to being successful: Aaron Rodgers (jury still out) and Ben Roethlisberger, a possible Hall of Famer.

The rest were garbage.

In the past couple of decades, here are the quarterbacks drafted in the first round who did not complete 60 percent of their passes their final year of college:

Jim Druckenmiller
Ryan Leaf
Akili Smith
Cade McNown
Michael Vick
Joey Harrington
Patrick Ramsey
Kyle Boller
Rex Grossman
J.P. Losman

Add Bucs bust-in-waiting Josh Freeman to that list. He threw for only 58 percent of his passes last year.

If THE PESSIMIST can figure this out, how come Mark Dumbinik couldn’t figure it out? If THE PESSIMIST can figure this out, how come lying Raheem The Bad Dream couldn’t figure this out?

This is a nightmare come true. A nightmare.

Simply put, THE PESSIMIST will never let this go. NEVER. Mark Dumbinik and Raheem The Bad Dream, you better pray like you’ve never prayed before. Because if the Bucs bust-in-waiting Josh Freeman doesn’t somehow have a divine transformation, you two just killed your careers with this pick.

It’s clear as crystal with this pick that Mark Dumbinik and Raheem The Bad Dream are over their heads in their current positions.

THE PESSIMIST now has to find his bottle of Bushmills and hope this day was just some drunken bad dream.

THE PESSIMIST is sick to his stomach!

THE PESSIMIST: Why Not Dexter Jackson?

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
A hidden field camera took this picture of Dexter Jackson after catching a kickoff

A hidden field camera took this picture of Dexter Jackson after catching a kickoff

No. THE PESSIMIST is not a pie-in-the-sky believer.

Raheem The Dream and Mark Dominik and the rest of the guys in charge of the livin’-on-a -prayer Buccaneers keep wanting fans to have faith in banged up players, unproven players and those who flat out stink.

Give it a rest already. There’s only so much a guy can take.

Yesterday it was the Bucs director of college scouting, Dennis Hickey, coming out and trying to tell everyone Dexter Jackson wasn’t a bust, even after Chucky himself all but admitted as such to the NFL Network.

Do you feel you reached on Dexter Jackson in the second round of last year? Did you have a second-round grade for him?
“We evaluated him and we took him at a position that we felt he deserved. That’s where we took him.”

You don’t think that was a reach?
“That is up for you guys to decide. It is the ultimate second-guess, right? Let me say this, we are excited about Dexter. A lot of guys want to judge everybody based off their first year, and we think Dexter has made a lot of progress and we are excited about him. “

C’mon. It’s bad enough the Bucs want fans to feel excited about Luke McCown, Byron Leftwich, Michael Clayton, Sgt. Winslow, Maurice Stovall, Ryan Sims, Gaines Adams — hell, the entire defensive line and linebacking corps sans Barrett Ruud — Ronde Barber.  Should THE PESSIMIST continue? 

At this rate someone might actually buy a Jerramy Stevens jersey.

Just flat out say you’re rebuilding and end the false hope for the fans. A little reality isn’t too much to ask. It worked for the Rays.

All this spin is maddening. It’s like getting kicked in the scrotum while someone tells you to have a positive attitude.

THE PESSIMIST: Leftwich Was Unwanted Goods

Saturday, April 18th, 2009
leftwich1

Funny how the Bucs best quarterbacks are considered second-rate goods

How about that Bucs fan club with a growing membership.

To qualify, you must be an aging quarterback who couldn’t start for any other team. Immobile? No problem. Injury prone? You’re in. Just plain horrendous on film? No worries.

Meet the newest member: Byron Leftwich. He replaces Jeff Garcia and will battle with fellow pocket statue and club president Brian Griese.

Yes, Luke McCown is in the club. But he’ll need to tear his ACL again and add to his 1-6 career record as a starter to be considered for an executive position.

Welcome to the state of the Bucs quarterbacks. 

THE PESSIMIST remembers going to school and getting percentile grades on standardized tests. You know, 90th percentile is great, 70th percentile is decent, and 20th percentile means you’re a blockhead moron.  

The Bucs QB corps is definitely in the 10th percentile of the NFL. You’re a liar if you say otherwise. … Though perhaps it’s not quite that bad, especially when you compare it to, say, the Bucs’ defensive line.

THE PESSIMIST just can’t let go of the fact that no other team in the NFL wanted Byron Leftwich to compete for its starting QB job. NONE. Not even the 0-16 Lions or the Jets with their trifecta of stiffs.

Leftwich: “Hey agent, put it out there that I want to go where I can compete for a starting job. Tell them I’ve got a Super Bowl ring, experience and I’m healthy as horse.”

Agent: “Only the Bucs called to say you could compete. That’s it. It’s April. I think we should call them back.”

Of course, Leftwich and his agent fell in love with Tampa Bay and sported a boner at the thought of coming here and competing for the starting job, he told the St. Pete Times. What other options did he have?

“I was told from day one they want me to come in and compete and that’s the only way you want it,” Leftwich told the Times. “You don’t want anything given to you. Once you have an opportunity to compete, I can live with any scenario at that point. It’s all I can ask for. You want to go out there and know you’ve earned it.

THE PESSIMIST isn’t one for hope and prayer when it comes to the success of a quarterback. That mindset is better kept in church and in the White House.

THE PESSIMIST just wants to see the Bucs trot out a QB who impresses somebody not on Bucs’ the coaching staff. As a fan, that’s not too much to ask.

THE PESSIMIST: Only Fools Are Down On Cutler

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009
Jay Cutler is practically Superman yet some Bucs fans cant see it, writes THE PESSIMIST.

Jay Cutler is practically Superman yet inexplicably some Bucs fans can't see it, writes THE PESSIMIST.

Bucs fans finding fault with a 25-year-old Pro Bowl quaterback who has all the necessary tools to be a champion is like turning away Carmella Garcia because she didn’t shave her legs.

All together now, RIDICULOUS.

Those nitpicking Jay Cutler should be ashamed. How does one become so clueless?

THE PESSIMIST has resurfaced in disbelief that there are Bucs fans who would rather start Luke McCown under center and keep our draft picks, versus giving up a first, second (in 2010) and possibly a third round pick for Cutler. In case you’ve been vacationing on Mars, Cutler is the 25-year-old Pro Bowl stud QB in question.

McCown is an athletic, nice kid with little experience. If he was a good starter in 2009, it would be a nice little story. It might even help Chucky’s legacy. But if McCown was among the bottom two of NFC quarterbacks, absolutely nobody would be surprised. Nobody.

Cutler on the other hand would put on the Bucs jersey and instantly make them playoff contenders, crappy defense or not. And bring an exciting offense to Tampa that has NEVER been here before.

Cutler is a first round pick (2006). So THE PESSIMIST sees no problem giving up one to get him, as well as a No. 2 and No. 3, if that’s what it takes for a young Pro Bowl QB.

Crap, the Bucs traded two first round picks, two second rounders and $8 million for Chucky. And THE PESSIMIST would say now and forever that it was a good move.

We’re talking quarterback here. The most important position on the field.

Cutler’s also is a proven commodity who has battled through Diabetes, and the extreme pressure of playing quarterback in Denver in the post-Elway era. His numbers are nothing less than fantastic.

The Bucs could search another 30 years to land a QB as good as Cutler and still fail to get one. 

Now THE PESSIMIST loves Joe. But to compare Cutler to Jeff George is apples and oranges. George came into a crappy Indianapolis team and didn’t make them better, and threw a ton of interceptions along the way. Cutler has performed in his three seasons. Period.

So Cutler hasn’t handled the Broncos coaching change and the organization-wide poor communication going on in Denver lately (which has been acknowledged by nearly everyone associated with the team.) Big freakin’ deal. He’s 25.

So he wants out. The guy is hardly a cancer.

Google Cutler and search real hard and you’ll find this story of the guy’s generosity to charities. The kind of giving without him looking for any media coverage of the altruism.

But all that really should  matter is that he’s a great quarterback. And the Bucs desperately need one.

 You get what you pay for.

THE PESSIMIST: Where’s The Focus Group Now?

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009

Glazer cares about fans as often as THE PESSMIST services Pam Anderson

Screw Bill O’Reilly. The spin stops with THE PESSIMIST.

Having time to reflect and vomit repeatedly after the needless, foolish cutting of Derrick Brooks, THE PESSIMIST now wonders how the Glazers infamous focus group of fans felt about the decision.

You remember, those are the diehards the Glazer Boys consulted before they fired Chucky. Gosh, those Glazers cared so deeply about the pulse of the fans they sought average-Joe input on the fate of the head coach.

Surely, the Glazer Boys consulted these same fans before cutting the face of the franchise, Derrick Brooks.

In case you don’t get it by now, these fans don’t exist, unless you count the handful of the Glazers Boys’ friends, relatives, Yes men and servants.