Archive for the ‘THE PESSIMIST’ Category

THE PESSIMIST: Picking Against The Bucs

Thursday, September 6th, 2012

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings have appeared previously on JoeBucsFan.com. THE PESSMIST is rarely happy, but he is happy to return to these pages for the 2012 season. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. But Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

THE PESSMIST can’t find one allegedly knowledgeable person picking the Bucs to win Sunday. Not Vegas. Not a genius national talking head.

Somehow all these idiots think Carolina off a 6-10 season is a stone cold road lock Sunday. What a bunch of crap.

So Cam Newton can run to daylight and he racked up gargantuan numbers — twice — against the December 2011 Buccaneers to pad his stats. That was the worst defense of the modern era. Steve Smith is old. Defenses will catch up to Newton. And the Panthers defense still sucks. Let’s see Luke Kuechly play a game before he gets the Rookie of the Year trophy.

But perhaps these pundits also take a look at the Bucs and are confused. Maybe they see Quincy Black, Roy Miller, Mason Foster and wonder why, why, why these guys have the same jobs in 2012.

Maybe they see Josh Freeman needing time to bounce back to 2010 form with new targets, a new playbook and new coaches and little from the preseason to get them excited. Crap, there’s not even enough local excitement to sell out one damn game with seven months of sales effort since Greg Schiano was hired, despite a bunch of gameday perks and big money and free agents.

THE PESSIMIST has little belief in the Bucs for Sunday, either. Just how the Rutgers defense looks in the NFL and how Mike Sullivan runs an offense are complete mysteries, let alone how Doug Martin might lead a run-first team.

Smart money doesn’t wager on hope.

THE PESSIMIST: “Win Now” Move Is Right

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com.

His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

THE PESSIMIST felt compelled to emerge from his self-imposed lockout to comment on this glorious Albert Haynesworth signing, just in case the man with the worst work ethic in the NFL is back on the street soon. 

Congratulations, Mark Dominik, for taking your underwear off, putting on your big boy pads, and putting on your win-now Chucky face.

THE PESSIMIST and real fans have our hearts and wallets in this game to win at all costs immediately – not play some fantasy lasting contender game that banks on players maturing perfectly and nobody getting injured. You like fantasy football? That’s fantasy football.

Real football is building the best possible team to win now, the kind of stuff fans of the Falcons, Saints, Jets and others lap up like starved dogs.

THE PESSIMIST is sickened by Bucs fans that would rather see Roy Miller act like Sean Mahan against the Texans, or have Da’Quan Bowers or someone else play out of position, rather than see if the Bucs can motivate Haynesworth to get after it for half a game or more.

Haynesworth is the best available option for the Bucs in this game. Period.

If Raheem can’t motivate Haynesworth for Sunday, then Raheem isn’t the man he thinks he is. Because THE PESSIMIST guarantees that Raheem is fired up and bouncing off the walls getting ready to deliver his famous core beliefs to Haynesworth in the morning – like Haynesworth never heard it from the last two old, stuffy coaches previously trying to motivate him.

This is your moment, Raheem. Shine, brother, shine.

For everything this signing represents for this year and beyond, THE PESSIMIST considers Haynesworth the most exciting thing to happen to the Bucs since they put their balls on the table and drafted Da’Quan Bowers.

THE PESSIMIST: Hard Knocks Pass Is Incomplete

Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

Timeout.

Our beloved Buccaneers ripped a home game from local fans and the stadium they paid to build in the name of marketing the team in England and getting more exposure for the young club. That was the company line.

Yet now, a handful of weeks later, the Bucs have turned down the offer to be on HBO’s Hard Knocks series and captivate the entire United States and legions of casual Bucs fans around Tampa. Those same fans that haven’t watched a Bucs home game on TV since Tampa Bay was clobbered routinely in 2009.

Something stinks worse than the Angelo Crowell signing. (Oh, wait, the Bucs braintrust knows knee injuries).

THE PESSIMIST can’t be the only one sniffing this Hard Knocks pile of garbage. The Bucs went from scratching and clawing for the spotlight, even swimming across the Atlantic, and now they’re running away from it faster than Aqib Talib speed dials his lawyer.

The Bucs may call themselves fan-friendly, but taking away a home game and denying fans access on Hard Knocks aren’t pro-fan moves.

What’s next? Fewer training camp dates open to the public?

THE PESSMIST wants to know exactly what the Bucs were afraid of when it came to Hard Knocks. What does the team so eager for recognition and attention think third-year coach Raheem Morris couldn’t handle?

Of course, THE PESSMIST won’t get an answer, just the comfort of watching a nation of soccer fans tailgate while he can’t.

THE PESSIMIST: Bad Knee = Bad Gamble

Friday, April 29th, 2011

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

What’s amazing about this Da’Quan Bowers pick is every team, including the Bucs, passed on him obviously because of his crappy knee. This morning, Jay Glazer of FOX Sports reported Bowers has a bone-on-bone condition. There’s no cure for that, folks.

The last Buccaneer with a bone-on-bone knee was Antonio Bryant. You can read about it in Joe’s archives.

But Mark Dominik calls Bowers great “value.” Nice.

So what’s Dominik trying to prove? Sure, the GM does his homework and sorted through character issues with Mike Williams and LeGarrette Blount and came up with gems, but you don’t talk to third-grade teachers and grill coaches to solve a knee. Bowers is damaged goods, and the Bucs gambled when they didn’t have to.

God forbid the Bucs went the seemingly safer route and prepared to break the bank to pay Ray Edwards, a healthy 26-year-old free agent coming off two eight-sack seasons in Minnesota.

THE PESSIMIST supposes the Bucs don’t think it’s prudent to actually pay a young proven player in his prime. Why the hell do that when you can toss a second-round pick after a busted up college dude?

THE PESSIMIST finds it comical that the Bucs say they’re building a lasting contender and they just drafted a guy unlikely to last.

The Bucs may have found the new Sack Exchange, but right now it’s rookie Bowers with a bumb knee, Brian Price with a mysterious hip/hamstring, Gerald McCoy coming off surgery, and Adrian Clayborn with one arm shorter than the other and coming off a 3 1/2-sack college season.

THE PESSIMIST can’t imagine any team will be scared of that bunch for a while.

THE PESSIMIST: NFL Can’t Have It Both Ways

Monday, March 28th, 2011

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

So Roger Goodell said he wants to punish players for misbehaving during a lockout, when the NFL wants nothing to do with its players, won’t pay their benefits, won’t let them communicate with their team and has suspended their contracts.

What a two-faced phony.

So rather than play Charles Bronson last week, if Aqib Talib had broken his foot running sprints on a high school field and never played football again, the NFL wouldn’t have to pay him a dime left on his contract because of the lockout. But Goodell wants to be able to punish Talib for his lockout shenanigans?

THE PESSIMIST wants to barf. You can’t have it both ways, Goodell. 

For all THE PESSIMIST knows, Talib made the conscious decision to go wild last week because the lockout was in place. Maybe Talib is smarter than we think. Maybe he had the presence of mind to know his paycheck was somewhat safe as he defended his sister, albeit aggressively.

THE PESSIMIST knows Talib would have one hell of a lawsuit if Goodell suspends him for crimes committed during a lockout.

And if Goodell plans to go through with that BS, the Bucs should get a clear statement NOW from Goodell so the team can prepare properly for the NFL Draft.

Per the Tampa Tribune, Goodell said last week “we owe to our fans” enforcement of the personal conduct policy through the lockout.

THE PESSIMIST can’t stop laughing. You care about fans, Goodell? How about getting good, full-time referees and giving teams the freedom to lift a blackout before you worry about punishing guys that aren’t even on the payroll.

THE PESSIMIST: Brainless Fans All Over Town

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

By THE PESSIMIST’s count, the Bucs will have a prayer for the playoffs by this time next week if they can beat the crappy Seahawks on Sunday and the Saints lose to the Falcons on Monday night in Atlanta.

That’s supposed to be exciting. That’s supposed to have the town on the edge of its seat. That’s supposed to have men turning down the spirit of giving from their wives just to go to the game. That’s why we’re all fans and deal with the Bucs’ shenanigans — to get in the playoffs and have a shot at the Super Bowl. Even THE PESSIMIST wants victory every day.

So this is why THE PESSMIST is furious at all the fans he hears on sports radio and around the water cooler, and those spouting off in comments sections and message boards, flapping about next season already.

Some even say there’s no point to the Bucs making the playoffs because they’ll get crushed. “We’ve accomplished so much this year already. No good will come of a first-round playoff beating.” 

Yeah, keep watching BayNews 9 and fixing your makeup.

THE PESSIMIST is sure that only in this retard,  wussy, we-have-blackouts-with-a-winning-record town would such a thing go on. Even the media is asking Raheem questions about next year when they should be focused on what real fans care about.

Next year? The freaking owners are committed to this lockout garbage, which while it might not kill the season, it’s got a great shot of eliminating OTAs and minicamps and cutting short training camp. With all the Bucs rookies and young guys, this team could be screwed next year without all that offseason structure and training.

Forgetting about that, wait-til-next-year doesn’t fly in the NFL unless a team sucks. (And the Bucs don’t suck. Not yet anyway with an 8-6 record and a shot at the dream.)

Ronde Barber could retire in March. Aqib Talib could punch a meter maid in April. Josh Freeman could really break his thumb in the preseason, not whatever the hell he did last time. Barret Ruud’s replacement could be worse than he is. The Bucs may run out of miracles on the offensive line. …There’s no guarantee.

This is it. The Bucs are right on the cusp after Christmas and they’re being written off by their own fans. Shame on you brainless idiots. You know who you are.

And where’s the official team pep rally for this weekend’s monster game? Where’s Gasparilla-killing Mayor Pam Iorio and the rest of the yentas running the city staging a huge “Go Bucs” event on Sunday morning? Show up at a park with a bullhorn. Do something!!

What about all those government types trying to bully the Glazers this week? Why didn’t they draft a motion to sign Julius Peppers? Go abolish hunger and homelessness, you timewasters.

Where’s the damn excitement? The 12th man at the stadium Sunday? What a joke. You’d struggle to find 12 dudes in a bar who care.

THE PESSIMIST: Had It With BSPN Dissing Bucs!

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

bspn

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

Ha! Forget about Adriana Lima schmuck. You get to wake up to THE PESSIMIST this morning… before THE PESSIMIST has even had his morning coffee. Boy, are you in for a good one.

THE PESSIMIST is fired up and it’s not yet 8 a.m.!

Now THE PESSIMIST has read where Joe has BSPN blocked on his DirecTV. That freaking cheap arse still has standard-def but he can urinate enough money away at a chicken wing joint on a Friday night Twittering about Courtney the Bartender, who he claims is a Brooklyn Decker lookalike, to pay for two high-def TVs.

Maybe if Joe wouldn’t be such a drunk and be so horny and quit drooling over some hot, well-endowed babe he has absolutely no shot of bedding, he’d have a high-def TV, or maybe he doesn’t understand just what type of private entertainment can be viewed on a high-def TV?

Anyway, Joe may not have BSPN but THE PESSIMIST does. And let THE PESSIMIST tell you it’s getting about as bad as watching some old woman drop a deuce: You know it’s going to be ugly, you know it’s going to smell and you know what the end result will be.

THE PESSIMIST habitually turns BSPN on Sunday mornings and there’s sweaty-ass Chris Berman screaming at THE PESSIMIST for some unknown reason, working himself into a lather about Peyton Manning. Then BSPN has to flip to “goddamned Ed Werder” who is breaking some sort of story about Brett Favre picking his nose. Then, Berman tosses it to SalPal who is reporting from Philadelphia that Jerry Jones is frustrated with Jon Kitna.

Frustrated? THE PESSIMIST is frustrated just watching the slug. Joe’s frustrated because he can only look at Courtney the Bartender. THE PESSIMIST isn’t the fool paying Kitna seven figures. This is news?

Not to be outdone, there’s the never-blinking Rachel Nichols, breathlessly talking about how Tom Brady doesn’t need servants to tie his shoelaces, straining to contain herself as if she’s Melissa Rivers talking about some backless number Reese Witherspoon is wearing.

Damnit you SOBs! You cover the NFL, not three teams (Dallass, New England and the New York Jets)! You are supposed to cover the NFL, not five friggin players (Manning, Brady, Favre, Terrible Owens and Chad MuchoStinko)!

What about the Bucs? A team that came out of nowhere? Worst to almost first. A team some predicted would win two games is fighting for a playoff berth in the middle of December. This is Cindarella stuff! But no, you have to shove down THE PESSIMIST’s throat the 752nd story about the friggin’ Patriots. Jerks!

What about Josh Freeman who is shaming Mark Sanchise with his uncanny ability to win games in the fourth quarter? Dude’s so clutch THE PESSIMIST is going to have to start calling him “Montana.” Where’s that story? Or is it more important to “report” how Capt. Lou Albano Rex Ryan towels down Sanchise after a steambath?

What about Mike Williams, who is leading all rookie receivers in yards? What about Arrelious Benn who is starting to light things up? What about LeGarrette Blount?

Wait a minute. THE PESSIMIST may not want you to do anything on Blount. THE PESSIMIST can just about guarantee the first thing out of Pedro Gomez’s mouth would be “punch.”

THE PESSIMIST would just love to punch Norby with this shinola the four-letter calls coverage. Cover THE PESSIMIST’s arse! That’s not coverage what BSPN has, that’s slurping. Friggin’ disgrace these people!

Speaking of people THE PESSIMIST wants to punch, Dull Patrick is almost as bad. What’s the erection these friggin’ suits in Manhattan have with Dallass? The Cowboys suck! You mean you can’t flex a better game for a Sunday night (you know, maybe the Bucs?) that football fans would rather watch? Football fans that is, not Long Island yentas who would rather talk about jewelry and Palm Beach and their tennis club memberships, who wouldn’t know the difference between a down marker and a goal post!

Well, maybe Joe has it right after all? Maybe THE PESSIMIST should block BSPN and start watching more NFL Network? At least people there use common sense.

Hey Joe, when is Courtney the Bartender working? Next time you Twitter about her at midnight on a Friday, would you at least please get her picture you lowlife standard-def drunk, huh?

Help THE PESSIMIST out, will ya?

THE PESSIMIST: Raheem Needs One More

Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

The smiley dude from Jersey has done a fine job. The Bucs are 7-5 on the cheap. It’s his team of dreams and miracles.

But when you set a standard for the talent and tell the world you’re the best team in the NFC, then you can’t completely fall apart. That’s regression.

Raheem Morris needs one more win to deserve his job back next year. Don’t lose six in a row to finish the season and ask THE PESSIMIST to buy tickets and tell THE PESSIMIST you know what you’re doing, and sell THE PESSMIST a line of crap that the team is headed in the right direction.

If you’re going to finish 0-6 and throw that drivel in face of fans, then you’ll be staring at 30k in the stands next year.

It doesn’t matter what the projections were at the start of 2010.  You don’t reward your kid for failing a class in a final semester just because he got and A in the first half and got a C+ overall.

That crap might fly from a granola-munching soccer mom on a team of 8-year-olds, but not in the real world and especially not in the NFL.

Scores of Bucs fans rejected this team in the offseason and early this season. Raheem and the Bucs proved them wrong.

Losing out would mean they’ve stepped a giant step backwards and Team Glazer should get on the phone to Bill Cowher.

Good luck, Raheem. You only need one more win in THE PESSIMIST’s book.

THE PESSIMIST: Give Blount The Damn Ball

Sunday, November 28th, 2010

"Hey, Olie, you're not feeling my vibe."

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

Any idiot can see LeGarrette Blount is the real deal. He gets yardage that isn’t there. He moves the pile. He’s a load to take down. He breaks the big one.

But Greg Olson isn’t buying it. No, that Chucky wannabe isn’t sold.

Over and over again Olson wouldn’t give Blount the ball on 3rd-and-short and wouldn’t let him pound the rock and wear down the Ravens today.

How in a tight game with the defense playing well Blount manages just 13 carries is a mindblowing travesty. That’s as bad as Bruce Gradkowski throwing 50 times at Giants Stadium.

Freakin’ shameful.

THE PESSIMIST has heard the head coach say a hundred times how the Bucs want to be a physical, violent heavyweight. Is Olson tuning out the coach? Will Raheem chew him out?

Stop throwing on first down so much. Let Blount hammer away and setup play action and more manageble second downs for Freeman.

Hey Olson, you’re the same guy that sadistically pounded ill-equipped Cadillac Williams into the line 25+ times a game early in the season because you thought it was necessary for the offense. Make up your freakin’ mind.

Just give Blount the damn ball 20+ times. It’s not that complicated.

THE PESSIMIST: Let’s See The Entertainment

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

We’re entertainers. We’re in the entertainment business.” — Raheem Morris

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

The head coach has busted out this entertainment line and philosophy oh so many times. Every time it makes THE PESSIMIST laugh, but for the wrong reasons. He did it again yesterday.

THE PESSIMIST would love to see Raheem Morris dance and sing, maybe even tell a few dirty jokes because the Bucs play at home needs a helluva lot more entertertainment value. It’s been anything but worth watching.

THE PESSIMIST feels like he’s gotten nowhere near his money’s worth buying tickets these last two years. It’s sickening.

THE PESSIMIST is here to tell Raheem Morris that it’s not good enough to squeak out a win Sunday against the heinous Panthers. Carolina is the worst team in the NFL and on a downward slide. The Panthers suck at 1-7. Jimmy freakin’ Clausen is starting on Sunday. Dan Conner is gone, and DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart aren’t practicing because of injury.

The Bucs need style points Sunday. They need to pound the crap out of Carolina. There will be nothing entertaining about another fourth quarter comeback against this crap team. Nothing.

Good teams on the rise clobber crap teams at home, especially the ones with loads of injuries, rookie quarterbacks, a coach on the hotseat and that have probably given up on the season.

There are no more excuses. If they’re entertainers, then Sunday is the easiest stage they’ll get the rest of the way.

No fans are paying $100 a ticket for fat cheerleaders or second-rate football. For THE PESSIMIST, the win is meaningless this week. The entertainment is everything. 

No amount of spin and Rah-Rah from the head coach will convince the Bucs they’re a good team this week if they can’t bury the Panthers by three scores.

THE PESSIMIST: No Need For Pro Bowl Talent?

Monday, September 6th, 2010

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

Spin the Bucs waiving Clifton Smith however you want. But the Bucs just cut a great returner they can’t replace.

Nice move by the personel czar. Way to improve the team. That’s going to sell a pile of tickets.

Smith was successful in 2008, and successful in 2009. Micheal Spurlock is a nice story and a great talent, but the same special teams coach, Rich Bisaccia, let the guy go after being the Bucs kick returner for half a season in 2007 — and nobody picked him up.

THE PESSIMIST just has to put it out there that this 27-year-old Spurlock guy is not Smith. Not even in the same league.

Spurlock the receiver has no career catches, so please don’t start telling me the Bucs need this guy in their receiving corps. If they do, then just shoot THE PESSIMIST now.

It was a crappy move.

THE PESSIMIST: Ward Cut Reeks Of Frugality

Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

THE  PESSIMIST was signed for another regular season on JoeBucsFan.com, but today’s breaking news of Derrick Ward getting cut has him returning early.

Why the hell couldn’t Derrick Ward be the Bucs’ third-string running back?

What the hell is wrong with insurance? The Glazers surely have it for their cars, their teeth and their palatial estates, but not their running backs?

Derrick Ward’s production with the Giants may be ancient history, but he surely was good enough for this Bucs roster.

Now the Bucs head for battle with lead dog Cadillac Williams, who’s playing on two patched up knees and is no Pro Bowl candidate, and Kareem Huggins, who is nothing more than a prayer with dreadlocks.

This is not a running game that you put together with a bunch of unproven receivers. The Bucs’ offense is dreadful.

With no salary cap, a paltry payroll and no depth at running back, THE PESSIMIST smells money as the main reason for Ward’s ouster after a pretty good showing in the last preseason game.

Depth is supposed to be important in the NFL. Apparently, profit is more important. Soon the Bucs might need a telescope to see what used to be the salary cap floor.

THE PESSIMIST hopes he’s wrong. THE PESSIMIST sincerely hopes an established NFL running back is on the phone with Mark Dominik booking a flight to Houston. 

What happens now if Cadillac gets hurt? The Bucs turn to Earnest Graham, trot out a crappy fullback, and tell Josh Freeman to hang in there?

Ward was no panacea. And for all THE PESSIMIST knows, Ward was a raging ass around the locker room and the Bucs questioned whether he could handle being buried on the bench.

But Ward was healthy. He knew the offense. And he just showed he had some life in his legs.

His $3 million plus for 2010 was well worth it — unless there’s a replacement on the way.

THE PESSIMIST: Dominik Must Be A Fat Hater

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

Back in the old days of 2009, when the Bucs had to tangle with the dreaded (for them) salary cap floor, Mark Dominik invested $20 million+ of guaranteed money in banged up Kellen Winslow.

Winslow wasn’t a foodaholic and was a “long-term goal guy,”  so Dominik paid him big — and a year before he had to — despite Winslow’s chronic knee pain after five knee surgeries.

So what’s the holdup in signing left tackle Donald Penn to a long term deal? Penn surely plays a position far more important to the Bucs than Winslow.

Oh, yeah. THE PESSIMIST almost forgot. The holdup exists because the productive and chronically healthy Penn couldn’t control his appetite in 2009, Dominik explained to fans last week.

THE PESSIMIST has emerged early for the 2010 season to proclaim that not signing Penn to a long term deal is the biggest pile of horse crap the Bucs have served up since they announced a “sellout” for their last home game.

Didn’t Penn already lose the 40 pounds of blubber wedged under Dominik’s skin? And since when are offensive linemen supposed to be Denise Austin?

It sure seems to THE PESSIMIST like svelte Mr. Dominik despises fat people.

THE PESSIMIST knows that Joel Glazer told everyone that “money will never be an issue,” so it can only be last year’s fat that is standing in the way of the Bucs locking up their very solid left tackle for the next several years.

But the kicker here to Dominik’s line of fat-loathing baloney is that there is no Plan B. There’s no other legitimate left tackle in the mix. The Bucs have no bluff. The fans and Penn see the Bucs’ cards, and Demar Dotson doesn’t beat a pair of threes.

Why this Dominik is such a fat hater that he’d rather let Josh Freeman get clobbered from behind every week than give a reformed out-of-control eater the contract he’s earned.

THE PESSIMIST laughs at fans who say Penn will never hold out of training camp and would never pass on the Bucs’ $3 million, one-year tender offer. On the contrary, THE PESSIMIST is quite certain Penn has the sack to squeeze the Bucs.

Any active ballplayer with enough drive to gain 40 pounds during a football season, and then turn around and work it off a handful of months later, is not someone lacking resolve.

By NFL standards, Penn is a low-risk guy when it comes to investing in a young player. He’s proven. He’s healthy. He’s got good feet. And he’s worked hard through the ranks, rather than relying heavily on physical gifts or the special favor that comes with being a high draft pick.

Yet Dominik won’t let the year-old moths out of Team Glazer’s vault, all because Penn was too fat. Yeah, that’s past tense.

Maybe THE PESSIMIST has had too many Twinkies dipped in maple syrup, but THE PESSIMIST  just can’t find any sound on-the-field logic for Dominik to risk losing Penn for a chunk of 2010 and for years to come.

So stop gambling, Dominik. Pay the former food junkie and restore a shred of common sense to your regime.

THE PESSIMST: Bucs Got What They Paid For

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

THE PESSIMIST is here to hang this loss squarely on the Glazers.

Now THE PESSIMIST knows Brian and Joel don’t call the plays, but they do call the shots in the offseason.

Thanks for investing in your team, fellas. Your frugal asses – when it comes to the Bucs – forced your overmatched head coach to run cornerback Derrick Roberson out on the Georgia Dome turf to replace Aqib Talib late in the game.

That’s the kind of depth you get when you’re about five miles under the salary cap: Derrick Roberson.

Derrick freaking Roberson, a guy with just a few plays of experience in his second season as an undrafted free agent out of Rutgers.

Nice. Thanks a lot. Thanks for caring.

So that’s the depth at cornerback you paid for, Glazers. And sure enough the guy makes a key holding penalty to set up Atlanta for the win.

Maybe Phillip Buchanon doesn’t make that play. But we’ll never now, will we.

Can’t wait for the offseason.

THE PESSIMIST: No More Do-Overs

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

 

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

 

The last time THE PESSIMIST felt the need to write he screamed, “Fire Jim Bates! ” Feel free to read about it.

One month later, Raheem The Dream finally wised up and pulled the trigger. Good job, Rah.

But the praise stops there. THE PESSIMIST has this ugly feeling (similar to Joe’s Rosie O’Donnell reference earlier) that Raheem The Dream and Mark Dominik are serial rebuilders.

These guys have torn down the team not once, but TWICE in a matter of weeks. That’s got to be an NFL record for incompetence.

First it was kicking the veterans to the curb, then their handpicked well paid offensive coordinator, Jeff Jagodzinski. And now it’s their handpicked, well paid defensive coordinator, Jim Bates.

Funny. The one part of this team the Glazer Boys didn’t do on the cheap this year is hire assistant coaches; Jagodzinski, Jim Bates, and Joe Barry were surely paid the going rate for their experience. And now Rah and Dominik have sent them packing.

THE PESSIMIST suspects the Glazers will never spend money like that again.

THE PESSIMIST also is here to tell Raheem The Dream and Dominik that they’re out of mulligans. There are no more do-overs. This is your freaking team. Your heinous stink is all over it.

Entering the 2010 offseason, the easy, cheap and keep-their-jobs way out is for these guys to keep making the Bucs younger. That’ll be the built in excuse.

Don’t be surprised to see the Bucs’ geniuses go offense in the first round of the draft to keep Josh Freeman progressing, which will help save their jobs and buy time —  maybe trade down for a young receiver to replace Antonio Bryant, and another in the second round plus a running back there, too.

For Raheem The Dream, now it’s all about constantly rebuilding. That’s the only thing we know he’s good at.

THE PESSIMIST: Jim Bates Must Go!

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

THE PESSIMIST has had a few Caybrews and after watching this loss he has HAD IT with Jim Bates, the alleged defensive coordinator of the Bucs.

THE PESSIMIST is absolutely sick of this guy. He whines that he doesn’t have the players to run his defense and this is why the Bucs suck. Hey, clown, you don’t decide what the defense is. You mold your defense around the talent you have, not the other way around. Even a two-bit high school coach understands this. 

THE PESSIMIST now knows why you got run out of Denver two years ago.

Don’t give THE PESSIMIST this nonsense about fatigue. Raheem the Dream even said that both teams were out there for a full 60 minutes. If your players were so tired in the fourth quarter, why the hell didn’t you do more rotating or substitutions?

What a pathetic display in the end by YOUR defense. Your defense! How does it feel to get the ball run down your throat for 80 yards for the winning score. How does that taste? Think about that: 80 yards! Somewhere in Tallahassee, Mickey Andrews is laughing his ass off.

Absolutely gutless by your defense. Your swiss cheese, can’t stop the wind defense.

THE PESSIMIST knows of a couple of gaps where you can shove your defense.

Don’t give THE PESSIMIST this crap about your defense forced turnovers form Jake Delhomme. Who the hell hasn’t? The guy’s defense gives more away than Obamacare!

How about that two-gap system? Why don’t you take your two-gap system and hop on the next plane out of TIA. One-way.

On second thought, please stay until the season is over with. With your coaching, the Bucs will surely lose every game. The Bucs are in a fight with the Rams for the first overall pick in the draft.

AS soon as the season is over with, please find some high school that could use you. Bucs fans, and particularly THE PESSIMIST, have seen and had enough of your crap defense.

THE PESSIMIST: Stuff A Sock In It, Rah

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views surely do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.

raheem-morris

A rare photograph of Raheem Morris with his mouth closed

It’s time for Raheem The Dream to learn that the more he talks the more likely he is to say something stupid.

Simple numbers game. You talk on and on and address every single question, you’re going to get burned. Yo, Rah, it’s OK to mix in a “no comment” or a three-word answer once in a while.

THE PESSIMIST has been thinking this for a while but Raheem The Dream’s recent comments about quarterback Josh Johnson put THE PESSIMIST over the edge.

Rah, you just told the media that your 23-year-old QB is a “career backup.” You might have just as well had Aqib Talib club the guy in the balls with his helmet. Same effect.

1) Nice job taking a whack at Johnson’s confidence. He’s never going to forget it. Especially right after he was riding a high after making the team and getting the No. 2 spot on Sunday.

2) What happened to only the “best players” take the field for Raheem Morris? You said that all preseason, Rah.

3) You’d have no respect for Johnson if he wasn’t thinking that you were a jerkoff right now. After all, you just told 100,000 school kids in Pinellas and Hillsborough county that they shouldn’t pay any attention to their doubters.

Raheem The Dream is running his mouth so damn much he’s running out of things to say and embarrassing himself a couple of times a week.

Just dial it back, coach. Less is more.

Learn the lesson now, Rah. It’ll be well worth it when your team is 4-9 and you really don’t want to talk anymore.