THE PESSIMIST is a diehard Bucs fan whose negative writings appear occasionally on JoeBucsFan.com. His views do not necessarily reflect those of Joe. However, Joe sure gets a kick out of them.
Ha! Forget about Adriana Lima schmuck. You get to wake up to THE PESSIMIST this morning… before THE PESSIMIST has even had his morning coffee. Boy, are you in for a good one.
THE PESSIMIST is fired up and it’s not yet 8 a.m.!
Now THE PESSIMIST has read where Joe has BSPN blocked on his DirecTV. That freaking cheap arse still has standard-def but he can urinate enough money away at a chicken wing joint on a Friday night Twittering about Courtney the Bartender, who he claims is a Brooklyn Decker lookalike, to pay for two high-def TVs.
Maybe if Joe wouldn’t be such a drunk and be so horny and quit drooling over some hot, well-endowed babe he has absolutely no shot of bedding, he’d have a high-def TV, or maybe he doesn’t understand just what type of private entertainment can be viewed on a high-def TV?
Anyway, Joe may not have BSPN but THE PESSIMIST does. And let THE PESSIMIST tell you it’s getting about as bad as watching some old woman drop a deuce: You know it’s going to be ugly, you know it’s going to smell and you know what the end result will be.
THE PESSIMIST habitually turns BSPN on Sunday mornings and there’s sweaty-ass Chris Berman screaming at THE PESSIMIST for some unknown reason, working himself into a lather about Peyton Manning. Then BSPN has to flip to “goddamned Ed Werder” who is breaking some sort of story about Brett Favre picking his nose. Then, Berman tosses it to SalPal who is reporting from Philadelphia that Jerry Jones is frustrated with Jon Kitna.
Frustrated? THE PESSIMIST is frustrated just watching the slug. Joe’s frustrated because he can only look at Courtney the Bartender. THE PESSIMIST isn’t the fool paying Kitna seven figures. This is news?
Not to be outdone, there’s the never-blinking Rachel Nichols, breathlessly talking about how Tom Brady doesn’t need servants to tie his shoelaces, straining to contain herself as if she’s Melissa Rivers talking about some backless number Reese Witherspoon is wearing.
Damnit you SOBs! You cover the NFL, not three teams (Dallass, New England and the New York Jets)! You are supposed to cover the NFL, not five friggin players (Manning, Brady, Favre, Terrible Owens and Chad MuchoStinko)!
What about the Bucs? A team that came out of nowhere? Worst to almost first. A team some predicted would win two games is fighting for a playoff berth in the middle of December. This is Cindarella stuff! But no, you have to shove down THE PESSIMIST’s throat the 752nd story about the friggin’ Patriots. Jerks!
What about Josh Freeman who is shaming Mark Sanchise with his uncanny ability to win games in the fourth quarter? Dude’s so clutch THE PESSIMIST is going to have to start calling him “Montana.” Where’s that story? Or is it more important to “report” how Capt. Lou Albano Rex Ryan towels down Sanchise after a steambath?
What about Mike Williams, who is leading all rookie receivers in yards? What about Arrelious Benn who is starting to light things up? What about LeGarrette Blount?
Wait a minute. THE PESSIMIST may not want you to do anything on Blount. THE PESSIMIST can just about guarantee the first thing out of Pedro Gomez’s mouth would be “punch.”
THE PESSIMIST would just love to punch Norby with this shinola the four-letter calls coverage. Cover THE PESSIMIST’s arse! That’s not coverage what BSPN has, that’s slurping. Friggin’ disgrace these people!
Speaking of people THE PESSIMIST wants to punch, Dull Patrick is almost as bad. What’s the erection these friggin’ suits in Manhattan have with Dallass? The Cowboys suck! You mean you can’t flex a better game for a Sunday night (you know, maybe the Bucs?) that football fans would rather watch? Football fans that is, not Long Island yentas who would rather talk about jewelry and Palm Beach and their tennis club memberships, who wouldn’t know the difference between a down marker and a goal post!
Well, maybe Joe has it right after all? Maybe THE PESSIMIST should block BSPN and start watching more NFL Network? At least people there use common sense.
Hey Joe, when is Courtney the Bartender working? Next time you Twitter about her at midnight on a Friday, would you at least please get her picture you lowlife standard-def drunk, huh?
Help THE PESSIMIST out, will ya?